Because I had you

She was a woman that kept my secrets and set me free. She broke my heart and lied to me. I suffered all that pain, but she was never to blame. She wasn't cheap, she was the one I shouldn't have let go. Her lips would ease my pain the flow of blood from my slit ribs left me numb and without pain. I attained and gained the experience she taught. I knew what it was like to hold on to what you got. She'd make her own decisions and clean up her own mess. She'd paint my pictures from her brain as if she was blessed. I'd run my fingers through the lines on her hands, she had 28 if I'd remember the exact count. Six beauty spots all over her body that's without a doubt. She'd wait for me to feed her and tuck her in to bed at night. She'd cling to me when the nightmares gave her a fright. I'd smash all that I could infront when we get into a fight. She'd just slap me to make things worse and not right. She loves my temper and hated me saying her name. I'm sorry I put you through all that pain and struggle. She was a woman that could make your joyous moments double. Her skin so tender and her hair so soft. She sounded cute when she laughed or even coughed. She'd sit and run her fingers through my hair, slap me when the smell of my cigarettes, made her care some more to make me quit. She'd slit her wrist to make me feel her pain. Chocolates were her favourite to her name. I'd wake up to her pout and deep in her sleep at night when nature would call, I'd find her by the door after I'm done and she'd say where did you go? Nowhere without you, I know. She'd crouch up like a child to its mother, and she'd hold me to fall asleep again in my arms. She'd feel relaxed and calm. Her eyes closed and yet she does but see. Now your with somebody who I cannot be. He brings you flowers talks about the birds and the bees. I watch your husband and you, the wedding ring and child, to see you're happy all this time I didn't have a clue. I met so many new, took them to all the places we had been to. They never did help me for the memories, I cherish loving them, and would make me perish and that's what is true. I find it difficult to move on because I had you.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Her tears in vain

He keeps her picture on his night stand, as he wakes up to see her face. He remembers the mornings when she slept beside him and loved him in every way. She melted his heart as it was filled with hate. He knows not if he'll see her at heaven's gate or watch her burn in hell's flame. Her memories he keeps within his heart and his soul possesses her name. He loved her with his heart and soul and yet his body gave away. He caught her tears and chased her fears away faster than the raging wind. She was his hearts desire and he knew she was his sin. Like kin he held her close and protected her from the dark. She'd shout out his name when the power went out and like lighting he came to her aid. She was a woman who knew love in every possible way. He was a lone survivor of his heart and loves her till this day. She has but a necklace which he gave her many moons before. The pendant still has its charm, as she takes it out and watches it glow unharmed. She looks up at the ceiling and thinks of his arms around her to hold her close. Tears stream down her face as her wedding ring pushes her imagination far more and more. She places the necklace back in her drawer, and shuts the memories out. He is lying in a pool of his blood with veins slit as he thinks about her smile and pout. He feels his breathe slipping away without a shadow of a doubt. The poison in his body doesn't help his cause. His now blue lips have one name and it's hers which he had lost. After so many years the memories haunted and ate his soul alive. She hadn't the slightest clue till the newspaper article read about that person's demise. She wept as her husband enquired as to what made her upset. She whispered the world is so bad that people take their lives for no fault of their own is what she said. She knew deep down inside how her flaws had grown. He died with her name of his lips, as her wedding ring, she did touch with her fingertips.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Broken promises and lies

Sometimes, I used to wake with the sun on my face. I watch her sleep as I run my fingers on her face. I kiss her forehead and watch her sleep. Deep within my soul she remains mine to keep. Her brown eyes peep through the covers and watches me smile. To not know that time would part our paths. She places her head on my chest to listen to the sound of my beating heart. Tis for her that I once did every morning awake. Tis by her side I rest my head to lay. As I hold her close and chase her demons away. I strayed away from her indeed. As I wished I placed a ring on her finger on my bended knees. Ohhhh please! Was her cry to stop being the feverish romantic. Now without her near my soul remains frantic. Granted by heaven she was like an angel on earth. Her fair blemishless skin as white as the moon. Her dimples so deep as the valley with the rivers that boon. Her smile so mild, it could steal your heart. Her lips so kissable that's what makes your mornings jump start. The smell of her hair and its bourbon brown could be so visible ev n in the dark. She was a candle and radiated thy life. Alas! She isn't my wife, I now wander the earth as a broken soul is intended to do. Picking up the pieces of my life without you. No longer does my hand suit the hand of another. I blunder and chew on the left overs of others. I shudder to think what I have lost, the price I paid was with a grave cost. They say the lost are in the world to find themselves and their soulmates alike. My pride was all I had and gave up our fight. I look upon the memories and console myself still. She was indeed my drug that I crave and always will, no matter how many others pass by in my stage of life as long as I breathe. She will be my last dance I always let her take the lead. Broken promises and falsified truth, I hear from the one's who say 'I love you', they know not what it means to love a soul of a man. Their selfishness shows their true colors as planned and makes them sane. They turn around and say, 'you've changed'. Tis but the best lie you could tell a soul. As the story goes, she moves away and you remain the same. And it's your fault all over again. This comes to an end as you wither and die. Till then she remains in my heart and we don't say goodbye.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Wish you were here

The strom outside tells me she cares, as the dark clouds show I'm no longer there. She is always on my mind, I seek her in every woman I find. Blind is my heart as it doesn't possess the qualities to admire the beauty of another. That's been my fear, we were just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year. Queer is the feeling that creeps when she isn't around. Her voice can't calm me down. Tis but clear she is no longer around to ease my pain but remains in my past. Time flew by so quickly now I have nothing but this mask. Her name is on my lips. All is well when people gaze upon me. I thought I could tell heaven from hell so free. But now I have these memories which haunt and eat me alive. She is but someone else's wife. Like a knife through my veins the smell of her hair and the taste of her skin comes back to haunt me again. That is beautiful pain, and it makes you go insane. Vain and egoism ate me alive with my own soul left to claim. Her child has my name but is the seed of another. She will make a beautiful mother. She traded me as her hero, and blue skies from pain. Ashes for her dreams, and it seems to be the broken hearted who suffer. I am but mortal and cannot trade my soul to make certain of the right fate. I'm treading on the same old grounds so destiny written so late. At the gate St.Peter tells me my fate and weeps at thought of losing a soulmate. I still wake up in fear and feel my tear. I hear the radio play wish you were here by Floyd. Knowing my fading soul is null and avoid filled with a drop tear. I here my lips say wish you were here.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

The Foresaken

The soul of a man is well defined by the actions of his love. His heart he wore on his sleeve and covered with pain worse than what protects us from above. She walks like a ghost in his mind. And remains in his past. He wears a mask, to hide it from the world as his task. His love was within his grasp. Yet, he couldn't help to keep away his past. Care has slipped through his veins as he slit them to see if he forgot her name. Yet in pain he cried her name on his lips. He lost the feeling of his fingertips and yet the touch of his fingers through her hair was flowing through his nerves. He verved in agony and his shelter was the thought of his death. Yet he let her back in his soul, tis that which was ready his body was willing yet his mind did not want to have her to hold. She broke his soul and crushed his heart again which was cruel and cold. Yet he felt no pain cause you cannot break what is already shattered. He remained torn and tattered, she didn't look to have him repaired. She no longer loved him and he no longer cared. As she walked away again and he lived his life. He walked the earth alone and she became someone else's wife. Like a knife through his throat, his life didn't make him gloat. He waits for the day he will find happiness again he has no intention of starting from scratch. His soul rests yet his love continuously does march. The soul is a delight which one cannot par take. The soul remain reminiscent and your smile remains fake. He ignores her as her happiness he can't forsake.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

His tombstone memories

Sometimes I gaze upon her beauty and wonder. If she knows her worth, she chooses someone like you. Has she made a blunder or is her choice right? Do you give up when she turns annoying or do you stay and fight. He sits upon a tombstone and wonders of her brown eyes, her effervescent nature and charming smile. She runs in his thoughts and his prayers has whispers of her name. He wishes her well, and yet on the memories of his past he does dwell. The tales he tells of her beauty and grace. May not be believed yet he pictures her beautiful face. And remarkable as it may seem she is still the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Keen are his intentions to gaze upon her one last time. Stroke her brown hair and kiss her forehead which made him feel ecstatic and sublime. Peace can be attained on a soul so clear, yet his love can't quiver and that makes things queer. She is a key and a queen to his throne. Yet by another her heart is owned, grown and they blossomed like the seeds which brings forth a tree. Gone like the strom, away did she flee. His temper and hers, made them a combination of disgust. She based their relationship of lust and he based it on trust. He took from her what she did not want to give, a heart that beats and makes him live. His pride brought forth his downfall and brought him to his knees. Trust was never an option to be used as a key. His ego filled his heart and her vindictiveness pierced her soul. Revenge was sweet as their hearts both grew cold. He got what he wanted and she deserved every bit. Look where she stands now and watch how his pain makes him sit. Slit are his veins and crippled is her heart. Reminiscent is his soul still stuck in his past. She did move on fast and was easy as can be. Her name on his lips every night is with what he does sleep. She isn't there to hold him and he misses kissing her goodnight. He lost the fragrance of her skin as for years she isn't within his sight. The feeling of her head on his chest and he watches her pout while she sleeps through the night. The feeling of being her comfort isn't there for him to keep. Tis but the truth of how pride and anger fell in love. What you thought would last isn't planned by the one sitting above.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

The girl from yesterday

The broken hearted feel no pain. They feel the humbleness of memories driving them insane. You cannot break what is already shattered. Your heart left in pieces and your soul shredded and tattered. Scattered is your love like grains of sand in the desert. As the dust blows over your face and you know how much it did hurt. No longer can you love and hold her when she's cold. Kiss her forehead and pray, that with her you'd grow old. As broken as you are you wish to glance at the smile upon her face. As hard as it maybe your last wish is to feel that warm embrace. Your fingertips know the traces of her skin and each inch of her face. You stand in front of God and say I didn't deserve this bitter taste. He looks down from the heavens and tries to comfort your broken soul. He can't stop the hatred and anger that begins to  make you grow cold. You pry your lifeless body, everymorning, hoping there is something that can help you with a reason to live. How can you feel that when your lifeline in your heart isn't there with anymore love to give. Your care and gentleness is perceived as love to others. However you don't want another. Beautiful and remarkable is her presence. She is perfect yet perfectly wrong for you as seen upon the stars. She can't heal your wounds and cover your scars. You sit in solice and ponder upon everything that was good. Why didn't it last like you dreamn't it would. She packed her suitcase with hopes and dreams, you watched her walk away and into your pillow you screamed. With tears in his eyes her let her slip away. He now feels like he can't bear the pain. She has a future and has left him in her past. She wears a smile and he a mask. He crawls back into his shell, and secluded from the world. He watches time fly by as he turns grey. Knowing she became the girl from yesterday.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks