Truly, madly, deeply

His heart beats faster with her thoughts tuning into his unconscious mind. He stares into space as if he's blind. He imagines her smile with dimples so deep, he admires her perfect white teeth. Her light brown hair falls perfectly across her face. He pushes it behind her ears to look into her eyes before his warm embrace. Her sparkling brown eyes glitter as he says : I'll always be there. He holds her close and cuddles her tight. As if she saw a ghost and is trembling with fright. He can't help but think how much he misses her more and more. He stops by her window and whistles through the pane. Hoping she'd pop her head out and smile at him again. Alas! His wish isn't fulfilled, he makes another attempt hoping results would yield. Alas! Tis the same, he tries everyday to see her again. He takes out her picture and smothers it with a kiss. Walks on by with utter bliss, he prances around and finishes his chore. He works up the nerve to knock on her door. He does so with exuberance and glee. No body seems to be home, absolutely nobody. He droops his head and as sadness fills his heart he walks on by. With a glitter of tears and fill up his eyes. He thinks to himself another day and may be today is the day for me. He lays in his bed staring at the ceiling on which he drew her amongst the trees. He thinks about the taste of her skin as he kissed her forehead. The feeling of her hand in his as they strolled every evening. He envisions her head upon his chest and all he can hear is her heartbeat at best. No matter if it was summer or the winter's cold, between his legs she'd place her small feet as a hold. She'd fall asleep and pout as she dreams. He'd spend the whole night staring at her with love and care. He wishes she was there. He wakes in the morning to find the birds chirping and the sunlight beaming through the window pane. He wonders if he'd see her today and he'd finally be like a lion with his new mane. He finds his pills upon the desk, and her photograph in the frame. He gazes at his reflection on the window to see his white robes, with a straightjacket as a coat. The haunting memories now fade by, as he breaks down and cries. He pictures her white lace robes in her casket. He lost his mind, as she descended into to ground with flowers in a basket. He cursed the man who ran her down with his drunkenness in his car. All you have left is a broken man, an angry heart and never ending scar. He thinks she's around, and makes him feel like she still holds him close. He believes that she would one day, sit beside him and he'd feed her butter and toast. He's a little delusional and sane he can never be. In his head they still live together happily. They say falling head over heels always makes you glad. Trying loving someone to such an extent that losing them makes you go deranged, that's when you'll never be the same.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

The hardest truth

I once asked, how do you describe love? Is it her beauty that makes you feel as if she's an angel sent from above. Is it her brown eyes that pierce's through your soul? Or is it the feeling of her soft skin when, tis her hand you hold. People often tell me she's all but in the past, why is it her name remains on your lips, as you wear a fake smile, upon that mask. She indeed is a distant memory and the best part of my past. Whenever I think of her the smile on my face, isn't from a mask. Her name on my lips is all that remains as does the winter mist. I still remember what it tasted like with her last kiss. She always gave me peace by just holding me close. Her dimples so deep and her smile I loved the most. So what is love if it isn't these feelings that describes how special you feel. Waking up to her every morning, and thanking God every night, while I pray and kneel. Love is eternal and captures everything pleasant within your soul, you feel her warmth and love even though she is no longer yours to hold. The mistakes you make along the way trying to find her, in someone new. Leaves aside heart break and pain for quite a few. Love is a gift that isn't wrapped up all colourful and sweet. Love is a feeling when you look into her eyes for the first time when you meet. Love is a memory which you try so hard to forget with smile as you do so for everyone you greet. Peace is never found so easily and is never sweet. The truth is simple and we choose to refuse acceptance of the same. Love is just a reminder that we are but pawns, in this game. Her name shall remain on my lips, the feeling of her hair on my fingertips. Her memories shall always give me a scare. My love for her will always be with care. It's just that I can no longer be there especially when she calls me, I can't run in a heartbeat to rescue her and be at her aid. Someone else is there to make her feel great. Someone else to hold her tight during a long walk after a date. Someone else to give her what I couldn't at best. Upon someone else's chest for her head to rest. Someone else's hand in hers while she journeys down this road. Someone else to show her the world he now holds. That is love, mine was but an infatuation which she saw through and chose the other. As we part ways love will help me find another. So what is love describe it for me in anyway? I wish I had an answer and knew what comes next? Love cannot be described but faced through the hardest test.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

My Greatest Fear

A day of love as all proclaim, as your heart begins to bear her name. You show the world how deeply you care. Losing her gives you a scare. Why do we wait for this every year? We forget about the heart break and tears. Blinded and yet nothing is clear. Her beauty draws you near, sheer delight when you hold her hand, she crossing you path wasn't in your plan. Her eyes so special as they twinkle under the night sky. Her perfume let's you know she's close by. You hold her from behind and whisper in her ear, those are the words she longed to hear. She trembles as you hold her close, she feels loved as a sinner does when he/she receives the Holy Ghost. Her fingertips make you hair stand, the taste of her lips adds flavour to your taste buds so bland. Canned are her responses as is yours, being speechless is better than saying things unplanned. You delight yourself in each other's gaze, all you have left is her beauty to praise. You don't talk much and stay quiet and still knowing her loving you back is the ultimate thrill. You then awake screaming to end with a smile, tis not a dream, was a memory that haunts you all the while. You know that you love her even after all these years, you forget about the pain and tears. Your fears grow stronger as you grip yourself tight. Swaying back and forth all through the night. Watching the sun rise upon your sleep deprived face. Which you wash with water and that's all you now taste. She's gone forever but her name dwells fervently clear upon your lips. You still feel your head upon her fingertips. You wonder if she still thinks about you even for a little while. If you run through mind, as her memories haunt yours. The pleasure and pain she caused, the broken promises she never tried to keep. The apologies after time alone she didn't sleep. She never redeemed herself for all her wrong doing, as you tried so hard to seek forgiveness, as to provide it she isn't kind. Love is cruel, inhuman, and leaves you blind. Experience it and you'll be able to read the signs in every possible way. So to all the couples who are gonna go through shit, happy valentine's day.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

His fairy-tale

He sits at night and gazes at the sky. He counts the stars every night near and far. He wishes for her happiness upon all the falling stars that he sees. He remembers her so well and prays for her on bended knees. He thought he had the key to life, with happiness and success to follow. He only has the mistakes he made with lessons that leave him hollow. Like a swallow he moves from place to place, searching for a similar face, the feeling of staring into the same kind of brown eyes just like hers. He kisses a thousand women yet can't draw that emotion near. He wakes every morning and watches the people pass by from end to start. He admires every woman's beauty and knows none can steal his heart.  He chalks down his thoughts on paper which rips with ease. Yet his soul stays unstable as he can't find peace to appease. He still places a plate at his table when he dines for supper. He still sips his coffee till the end as she always did for him. He knew she was his sin that lingers under his skin. Her heart right now he can never win, he watches from afar as he nurtures her child, husband and kin. Love is a cruel intention which breaks a man's pride in two. He always said it would be me and you. He walks by the park, and looks up at the sunshine, wondering if he was running in her mind. His lips bear her name with every passing day, he wakes up to reality of what he thought was a nightmare. He stands in solitude and silence fills his void. He thinks about how he let his life get played with and toyed. He always spent his festivals drowning in his sorrow. He knows his life isn't at an end. He knows tis but the beginning of his life on a bend. He closes his eyes and imagines her  fingertips upon his face. Love is a gift for you must freely embrace. It may leave you broken but you can pick yourself up. Never experiencing it is a slup, so give your heart to someone and forgive them if it breaks. You'd not only get the broken pieces but beautiful memories which you and her did make. Love is never a fairy tale it's a story which is real for your sake. It's not what God writes, it is what you make.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Love fool

As a child we watch the world, and time pass by. You watch the leaves and seasons change, you know well the cuts and bruises of you playing. You feel like a a lion roaming free. You then mix yourself in another's company. You learn things good and hold on to the bad. Watching you grow up makes your parents sad and sometimes, also glad. You fall in love for the first time and know what heart break is all about. For some it ends after years, as sometimes about her, you can never have a doubt. She walks by with her hair as beautiful and brown as an autumn leaf. Her skin so soft that you wouldn't believe. Her touch so gentle especially when she held your hand. She always made this boy feel like a man, his perfume entwined in her nostrils and her essence on his lips. As her face was always sheltered by his fingertips. Her face so tiny that it would fit in the palm of his hand. She'd close her eyes and all you could see was her pout and smile. Indeed she was a child and as was he. Knowing now it was never meant to be, her love made a boy grow into a real man. He loved her dearly and till today he knows that he still is. She stole his heart as a teenager and spent 8 years with memories of glee. She gave herself to his will mind, soul, and body. Things may be different and times may have changed growing up in love with her was all he ever wished for till this very day. Even though all they gave eachother for valentine's day, was a measly hug and kiss. Tis her presence everyday he does miss. Squabbles and arguments was a routine and they had their fair share. It always ended with a hug to say he or she always cared. One-day the fight got so intense she walked out and never turned back again. The alcohol, drugs, and friends is what she chose while he awaits her return, although he knows it's a lie. As she wishes for him to stay away after all these years gone by. He keeps his distance and thinks of the memories he cherishes till the day that he shall die. He knows she has no more tears left to cry. Yet, he ponders if he'd just let that fight go and would've put his pride aside. She'd still be with him hand in hand and wear his ring to become his bride. He now stays away from relationships as 11 left him bitter and cruel. He gave his heart away, every time and always to someone new. Like a stubborn mule, the scars make no difference as its her, he seeks in every woman that he may find. Love leaves you merciless and blind. Like a useless instrument or tool he sits with a smile on his face thinking of the memories he can't and never will erase. Love is blind and yes tis but cruel. Sometimes all you desire to remain as is a lovefool.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

If only

He laid back in bed with the sun beaming through his window pane. He looks beside the pillow that lays bare. He looks up at the ceiling and begins to stare. As the mystical memories of her passing through his imaginary mind. He searched for answers he did not find. He remained blinded by her love and didn't see the truth. For her it was a magical night and she found him cute. He fell in love with her from the moment they met. He was another heart she broke, and never wanted to say a vow 'till death' as a symbolic clock. All he could remember was the smell of her skin, the taste of her lips. Alas! That's when reality grips, like a slow poison that slips through his veins. He remained mesmerized by her elegance and charm. He wanted love and that was her alarm. Calm was his thoughts when he pictures her smile. He woke up out of his bed, as he usually did. Slipped his feet into his slippers and marched off to his loo. Brushed his teeth always thinking about her, through and through. He couldn't imagine how beautiful she was and wished she said bye before she left. Her dimples and smile and that beautiful pout and cleft. He sat at his table with his leftovers as breakfast to spare. His appetite disappeared as all he could do was stare at his plate. He shook his head and smiled even though for work he was running late. He put on his clothes and rushed for the door. Runs back for his cane, indeed to forget it, for a blind man in this busy city would be a pain. He surged through the city and found his train. Sat back and wondered how her thoughts drove him insane. If only he could witness her beauty without a touch. If only his eyes could picture her as such. If only we had his sense of vision and could clearly see. A woman and her eternal beauty. If we were blind and needed to only but touch to notice her render a smile. We would appreciate her beauty for all the while. If only we had to kiss her lips to embrace her essence and smell her desire. We would be better at keeping a woman's love effervescent like a church choir. Sometimes it's better to be blind to appreciate a woman's beauty which you can't see. Tis then you can love her for all eternity.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

A woman's beauty defined

A woman is so well defined by the emotions she just can't hide. She finds love in all the wrong places, and her soul loses its traces. Her disgraces eats her alive, here is something we don't know  about her, or when we try to look into mind. Her beauty and kindness for all to see, no woman is ever ugly. There was a special girl I once knew. The most beautiful woman she did turn into. Her description is easy yet words are hard to find. You'd understand her beauty even if you were blind. Her skin so gentle, and her eyes so brown that the raw sandalwood could frown. Her hair smelt fresher than a daisy with dew. I was lucky to love her, to let her go I know I'm cruel. Her smile so radiant, the sun basked brighter each day. Her hugs so warm it would push my sorrows away. Her laughter could wake your soul. I'd kiss her forehead to see her eyes close and forever wish to have her to hold. The pout of her lips was the most adorable thing. I wasn't her reckoning tis her that was my sin. She'd hold my hand as tiny as her palm could get. She even loved the smell of my sweat. Her beauty wasn't matched by anyone to this day and age. Her heart beats in my chest now uncaged. Her rage and fury was mellowed by me alone. Blessings upon the soul that faced her wrath. She stole my soul and me her heart. She had no choice but a new journey to start. She'd burst into tears if the tiniest bit hurt. She was strong enough to pick herself up and wipe off the dirt. She didn't need me as her shield. She fought her own battles yet showed me her vulnerabilities, which made me think she needed me. I was young and foolish not to understand. The woman I had was so unique, so grand. I sit back pondering on what and how things might have been. She was indeed my sin, she is part of my soul which I dearly hold. No woman can ever take her place. No woman can ever have such beauty upon her face. See most men forget the strength and uniqueness a woman can and does possess. She goes through the ultimate test. She waits to hear her man applaud her actions, her smile broadens in a second's fraction. She waits to be held in the arms of the one she loves. She longs to be told she is beautiful and wanted. She waits for her scars to heal and watch the memories no longer daunting. She is special and created to love. Submissive she may be, take her for granted and her anger you will see. All women are created beautiful and to be loved. God sits in heaven and admires his handiwork from above. She is his masterpiece that can steal your soul and stick to you with love  like vines on a grape that it holds. Her beauty is to be admired and not molested or raped. She is woman so well defined men need to stop crossing the line of yellow tape. If a woman is created to be beautiful, caring, and kind. A man is to cherish her beauty at all times. Let's stop the rape, teasing and molestation too, we sometimes act like patients from an asylum of the mentally ill. I know it's a bitter pill, lets be gentlemen still.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks (Masculinist)