Where my demons hide

Most of us live our lives in our deadly sins. Watching our demons crawl from within trying to find their way out. We are but spiritual being in doubt. The human experience we have, teaches us right from wrong. Melodies of my past plays in my head like a favorite song. I hear the gong and don't witness the bright light. I sorrowfully stand in the rain after every fight. Angels and demons exist here on earth, some play a part in our lives making certain we dont get hurt. Then there are the others that lurk in the night, the scary voices give me a fright. you search for the light and never find it near. Drowing in your sorrows and wishful fears. tears roll down seeing how much pain you've caused. Slowly but surely your eternal path is set. The time shall come when it is your maker that you need met. You bet not with your life, money, or gold. You bet with your soul and fight to keep it each day. You grow weary and weak with every moment that passes away. One day you shall cease to exist. No more pain no more slit wrists. One day you shall see all the good you've done. One day these demons will no longer have their fun.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

The heavens have her

The cold nights give me less comfort. A starry night yet a gloomy fright. The things which scare me the most are never real. Feuds with my demons leaves me less to feel. I kneel before my altar and glance at my pain. I'm lead not by the still waters and forsaken for I can no longer hear the call of my name. I am to blame for all that goes wrong with nothing that is right to find. I seldom find peace that to my soul it binds. Blinded by the memories and cursed by my past. I walk this earth day by day with only but a mask. The task is heavy which I cannot fulfill.  He took away my joy and love left me barren still. The woman who shed her blood and soul to raise an infant to the man I now stand today. Yet in a hurry he just took her away. The first time she saw me I don't really know what when through her mind.  I never got the opportunity to ask my mother so divine. Cherished are my virtues and values you once taught. Once again it is but a glimpse of your face I sought. I cannot buy back the time I lost, I paid a heavy cost. You no longer breathe the air I do now. Sometimes I wonder how? How did I not foresee? How did I let my mother be taken from me. Your absence is felt, and your presence required. These struggles I face without you leave me so tired. I have not cried a tear but call out to the heavens to bring forth your name. Hoping one-day I will see you again. I am but lost and yet not tender or mild. I think about you and wonder how I became nobody's child.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

My drug

Mellow and subtle are the words that flow from her mind. Care and compassion with togetherness helps you bind. As I lay my head to rest, I stand by her side at her best. Holding her hand at her worst is a test. She claims your heart with beauty astounding. The touch of her hand makes your heart going pounding.  The surrounding of her voice embezzling your pain The taste of her lips on your tongue remains. Years go by as she stays on your mind, she is the only one who can make still the hands of time. The moments we cherish we never speak of the same we treasure them all the same. The smile on her face as I pass through her mind. Can't be replaced by any means of treasure you find. Yes I am not perfect I make mistakes and make you cry. I do have the feeling of dying inside. You by my side is an honor to walk this road. Blessed am I to have your heart to own.  Yet, I am unworthy of the things that makes me feel pain. I douse myself in alcohol least I go deranged.  She isn't my remedy or cure, she my drug that leaves me galore.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Her presence

The sound of her voice soothes my soul.  I can listen to her till time takes it toll. I mould my heart to love her more and I cherish hers like lost and now found gold. I make my memories with her to cherish, now when she isn't around my soul surely does perish.  Her smile can brighten my day, her laughter is music to my ears.  I tried so hard to catch all the tears you cried. Tis in your arms I wished to die, I lay awake as thoughts of you run so free in my mind. I long to hold you close with peace of mind.  Your hand in mine makes me see wonders, I remain her comfort from the scary rain and thunder.  The blunders she commits I always forget and forgive. In her heart I wished do hard to reside and live. I am but nothing without her near, holding on tight brings about some fear where things would make me lose myself.  I am but done with all these tests, I think at best and hate myself at most. Sometimes I walk the earth like a ghost, as I miss her presence so dearly. Her feelings withering away is what drives the fear in me.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

The reflection of her memories

The beauty of a woman captured so near. Her smile sticks to your heart so dear. Your fear is letting her go. The moments with her are cherished till you grow old. Like gold to a ring she embodies herself with you. Through the pain, heartache, and fights. She gets lonely every night. No one to hold her as she weeps herself to sleep. No one to have her heart to keep. No one to look at her beautiful face while she slumbers. No one to kiss her forehead when she's angry to make her humble. You fall and stumble trying to love her more with each passing day. You watch the sunshine disappear and the clouds turn grey. The day turns to night and they remain so cold. As she isn't around to have her to hold. Your whispers go in vain as her heart no long remains. Yet you cherish her conversations with alot of pain. You gain nothing yet you do it anyway.  You learn to live without her even till this day. Maybe you've forgotten but deep down some can see the truth, she loses her feelings everyday for you. Yet, you remember her and the memories that helped you bond. You remember her stupid questions and call her blonde.  She was your cure to take you away from hell with a wonderful plan that worked as you grew. Now your reflection in the mirror is of a shell of a man that you once knew.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Her valentine

Valentines day comes by every year. I miss your presence as I'm not near. I hold her so dear and close to my heart. Her brown streaked hair as the makes it glitter like diamonds in a mart. Her soul so pure, with all the pain and suffering she so strongly endured. I know was never her cure or remedy. But her heart belonged to me. She gazes upon the stars and cries with the moon by her side. The emotions which is seen so wonderfully through her beautiful brown eyes. Her beauty is unmatched like the Queens of the old. My arms crave for her body to once again hold. I may miss her, and feel her breathe heavy when I feel her hand in mine. I wish I could turn back time and live in those moments so dear. Losing her tis but my only fear. Her heart belongs to another or me I know not? For now tis only our memories I got. I am but a poet these rhymes is what I give to thee. I will always be there if you ever need me.  Gaze upon her smile, and it turns my world around.  And anger is vanquished. Being in love with you for all eternity is my wish. I cannot explain how beautiful you can be. I cannot express how much you mean to me. One fine day you will understand, one fine day I will have a plan. Yes for now I cannot give you belief that I am perfect and will make you feel. I just want you to know know special you are to me. Like a rose with no thorns, you blossom so free. I wish I could make you see how unique you can be. I am but human with flaws that makes me insecure.  I cannot be your remedy all I do is help you endure. Saying I love you was never enough to tell you how my feelings make me see my flaws. I can't devise a plan to see you happy. I feel like I galvanize as I turn old and grey. I may not be around but happy valentines day.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

The broken hearted soul

A broken heart can travel miles, it has heard all the excuses and lies. It dies every moment remembering what's lost, the price it paid and how heavy the cost. The frost on the heart chiseled so precise, split in two from just one slice. The first time remembered and the last you wish to forget. Alas!! It shall travel with you till death, your eyes meet the heavens and the soul meets the truth of what around you lays. You're time runs short and moments so grey. Alcohol and cigarettes consumes what remains. Yet your body lies stiffle in pain, you gain nothing but memories of things you long to forget. You wait anxiously upon your death. It's like a bet with the devil to which you lose soul. As feel yourself sinking deeper into the black hole. Never to emerge and always to fall, tis but so difficult to stand tall.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks