The cold nights

Love and compassion displayed so true. Her heart did at one point of time belong to you.  With bliss and joy you held her hand. You touched her soul and made her feel grand. Her voice was the last sound that you could hear. Her breathe on your chest, as that was her pillow, she always clung on to you for dear life.  She considered herself to be your Ms. Right, she use to light up your world with love and care. Share your happiness and hold you through your despair. Her tears never hit the cold hard ground.  Your hand to catch them was always around.  Killing me softly with her pain, the secret weapon she had to her name. Like I child she always had my arms to warm embrace. My fingertips on her face will find the smile which I can trace. I graced her soul like the rising sun. A whisper of 'I love you ' and I'd see her eyes glitter with happiness beyond compare. The beautiful brown eyes that I watched so close with care. I've seen them closed as I stare at her beauty while she's asleep. The frown on her forehead pushed away as I hold her with peace. I'd become compassionate and caring that was my fear. I felt myself slipping and turning weak. I was alright to become a man with a heart not made of stone. We'd laugh together and have eachother when the winters get cold. She broke me when she was my fix. Like a drug addict I was addicted to her kiss. Yet, she was addicted to mine. But we never admitted it to eachother at any point of time. We rather thought of walking different patches and paths. As human beings our pride was what carried apart. She did not render the possibility of having me in her plan. I was the one who by her arrogant choices never took a stand. Yes I now understand we both were to blame. Problem is each of us never could tame one another.  You were wild and young and free. I was driven by ambition and what I could make of me. Today you have your freedom, and I kept my goals. You have your family which you wanted and I have my goals. I see the problem I have u no longer to hold no matter how cold the night gets. And he just isn't me to love you till death.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

My pride, my downfall

You look down the barrel of you bottle of whiskey. Savoring every sip, her face in your mind, her eyes in your heart and her name on your lips. You wish you could once again feel the skin of her fingertips. You lose your grip on reality and embrace your pain of eternity. As you bend across life's puzzling path.  Picking up the pieces of your broken heart. She walked right in and made you happy. She walked right now and made you feel crappie.  All your anger and all your pain in a 7 year old relationship now in vain. It felt like rain throughout the years. As you tasted the bitter sweet tears. Queer is the feeling of not having her to hold, my hand across the pillow to find nothing but emptiness and cold. She isn't around with you but belongs to someone new. The only reason she's gone is you. I could have swallowed my ego and and held her hand tight. Instead I hang my head in shame as I let her walk away during that fight. I search so often trying to find her resembles in every woman I see. I know the truth that hurts like her another woman will never be. The weekends on the couch talking about how things went by. I caught every tear of hers but couldn't wipe them dry. For I was the reason she cried, my boisterous temper, and violent rage. Unleashed on the things around me. Like an animal caged. Never did I hurt her for my heart wouldn't let me. Tis now I find those actions utter stupidity.  I know i seek forgiveness everytime we speak. Tis only your mercy I tenderly seek. Your daughter is a replica of a girl whose love like a flower grew. I wish it was me spending my life with you. So I say this not foe sympathy for it isn't what I seek. I say this for the people to prevent the mistake to be avoided as I did not see.  Save a relationship and swallow your pride. For if you don't your left with a broken soul that has died.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

My pride, my downfall

You look down the barrel of you bottle of whiskey. Savoring every sip, her face in your mind, her eyes in your heart and her name on your lips. You wish you could once again feel the skin of her fingertips. You lose your grip on reality and embrace your pain of eternity. As you bend across life's puzzling path.  Picking up the pieces of your broken heart. She walked right in and made you happy. She walked right now and made you feel crappie.  All your anger and all your pain in a 7 year old relationship now in vain. It felt like rain throughout the years. As you tasted the bitter sweet tears. Queer is the feeling of not having her to hold, my hand across the pillow to find nothing but emptiness and cold. She isn't around with you but belongs to someone new. The only reason she's gone is you. I could have swallowed my ego and and held her hand tight. Instead I hang my head in shame as I let her walk away during that fight. I search so often trying to find her resembles in every woman I see. I know the truth that hurts like her another woman will never be. The weekends on the couch talking about how things went by. I caught every tear of hers but couldn't wipe them dry. For I was the reason she cried, my boisterous temper, and violent rage. Unleashed on the things around me. Like an animal caged. Never did I hurt her for my heart wouldn't let me. Tis now I find those actions utter stupidity.  I know i seek forgiveness everytime we speak. Tis only your mercy I tenderly seek. Your daughter is a replica of a girl whose love like a flower grew. I wish it was me spending my life with you. So I say this not foe sympathy for it isn't what I seek. I say this for the people to prevent the mistake to be avoided as I did not see.  Save a relationship and swallow your pride. For if you don't your left with a broken soul that has died.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Impossible task

The walk of like is never easy to trend. As u lay in the moments of the mistakes playing overland over again in your head. Dead is the soul of a man with the pieces of his heart that beats on the floor. The shell of a mortal we did once know. To make certain he grows in an unimaginable way that's easy for him to survive.  Sick of all the everlasting lies, he ties his heart down, sweeping all the pieces clean. The cruelty of this world can't let him dream. How can you replace what remains and lingers, how can you change what will not want to leave. Her memories haunt and leave my soul to grieve.  I fell in love not with her body but her soul, the smell of her skin,  and the taste of her live never left me feel the cold. The moonlight our spotlight to talk about our miserable day. The counting of the stars together made us seem hopeful for better days. She was my first love and the last she will remain. She always will have my heart and her beautiful brown eyes to absorb my pain. Her perfume fill my nostrils like an intoxicating drug.  Now she loves another and those memories swept under the rug. See love is to be cherished as to the woman you have. Crave all you want once she's gone you'll never know how mad you can get and a sociopath you can turn. Where her name remains on your lips yet her heart can no longer be earned.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

My lie

Her beauty and elegance he did admire. He found that his cure for his selfish desires. Longing for the moments to be found again.  Thriving from within was his pain. Love he did seek so fervently, the moments they spent were reminiscent.  The sands of time could not keep them apart. She still resides deep within his heart. They started their lives not knowing where it may lead. All I did was let my pain make me bleed. I kneel down before the Lord in the wake of forgiveness.  My final moments I spend alone writing with love and her soul to gain. I speak volumes of the smell of her skin and how she was my mortal sin. I wished her to be my kin and cherish her throughout my life. But destiny had another plan that just wasn't right. I stayed up night and day contemplated all the mistakes I made. Yes the fault was my own, how fast now my heart has grown. I no longer crave you kisses and no longer miss your touch. Tis a lie I tell myself till my reflection in the mirror changes my thoughts as such.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Am I the man?

She sends her warm regards, even though she's far away. She thinks about you night and day. Her only wish is to hear your voice, her heart and mind at ease by choice. Her soul and body longs for you to hold her tight. Her lips to savour her love throughout your life. Her tears and pain grew to a vast extent. To have you near on what she was hell bent. Making her angry you will not dare. With folded hands for you she says a silent prayer. The scare she gets when you aren't there is a phobia that she can't overcome.  She looks again to check for reality, that's the key for her to see.  Without you she can't be free, with glee and joy she makes things right. With a kisses she saves for you everynight.  The meek temper she throws around her tantrums.  She know your touch makes her heart beat like a drum. She has been in a fight for survival she has been through alot. She knows your there by her side, that's what gave her the courage and she fought. Are you her weakness or are you her strength. Are you the one she can spend her life or just like the others using her for the night. Are you the man that stands by her when she is wrong? Only to chastise her alone. Are you the for which her heart is grown? So if you aren't the man who picks her up when she's down. You don't deserve to have her around. 

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

My sin

The design of your life may never be right. The moments of gladness soon turns dim and bleaker. You sometimes wish you have a visit from the grim reaper. The only solice can't be procured, the moments which you cherish don't really allure. I count my days as a child the stars at night. I wait not in sorrow for the one I feel will be right. See love is curse and yet a gift all the same. As you know what lingers in your brain. The soul of a man who has everything he wants remains unfulfilled like the deserts rain. The soul of a man with a broken spirit, cherishes the truth and accepts the pain. I on the contrary am neither of the above. I've found numerous times unconditional love. I also have tasted the bitter side of things. When all you need is only her to make certain in life's race you win. You then realize she was your only sin, her name your temptation. The smell of her skin your intoxicating wine. As you stared into her eyes stood still were the hands of time. Her lips your remedy for your worries. Her voice soothes your nerves in a hurry. Her head on your shoulder in a warm embrace. Tis this woman that left your true self without any trace. You seek no more as you have no one like her to find. You walk the earth as a man that's blind. Bound is you spirit to a woman you can't let go. Her heart belongs to another though. One-day you will become normal as can be. One-day my own reflection will not disgust me. One-day I  shall but find myself as I have always to seek. However, wishful thinking is for the meek.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks