Karma

A prayer for the meek. With serenity is what I seek. My vision so bleak without you around. I seek without knowing if your heart is found.  Tis but shattered into a million pieces spread across the ocean so wide. I dive so deep into love where it lies still and cold wrinkling and old. Bold are the choices we both made, we now regret them everyday as in our beds we lay. I cling to my soul as refuge I have none. She played me like a game for fun. The thought of all the mistakes I've made.  The guilt that lingers eludes my spirit and breaks my soul. I had been so foolish to see and not know. I grow in wisdom and seek you no further. I know I'm rendered still in self proclaim.  I have no honor to my name. This strength I now seek within my grasp. It'd be a tough task, as I put on my mask to show the world out there. I live without a worry or care. There are these moments I feel like you broke down my walls. You slithered your way through the crepes and you crawled. Karma exists for those don't need. This is a demons seed, I beg and I plead to make things right. Vengeance will be mine through this life, I know you are reading this and still think I care. I am but glad you are outta my hair.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Only words

Words aren't enough to tell a woman how much you love and care. As you stare beyond the barrier of life, looking for the one who is right. Till one day she walks right by, her eyes as brown as the leaves which wither during the autumn wind's blast. You see she wears the same broken mask. You stare all the while and that's your task. You break her walls and remove her mask. You then love and see her true beauty.  Gaining her heart you make your duty. You feel the chills as you hold her hand, you keep her warm on a winter's night sitting under the pale moonlight.  All you both do is count the stars. Then you start healing her scars, you're her superhero with special powers. She can't look beyond you cause you've both walked this far. Your journey is long filled with obstacles ofcourse.  You realize you love her the most. Like a wandering ghost you once walked the earth. Now you are loved and no longer hurt. Less curt and more polite is what she made you become. She taught you to love, care and always be there.  She bore your anger and tantrums you once threw. All her demons you did slay. She remained with you night and day. You cannot find it in your heart to ever let hee go. Cause you will love no more, she will remain embedded in your soul. She will love you till you grow old.  To love a woman is privilege beyond compare. Don't sit back and remember the good times when she was there.  Hold on to her least like sands grains she escapes from your palm. Love her and don't do her no harm.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Definition of love

Someone once asked me to describe what love was. I turned my thoughts to her and the cause. Her beauty so magnificent that the earth stood still as she walked by. Her smile so clear as the blue sky.  Her eyes as brown as the leaves in autumn. Her skin so gentle as if you touched cotton.  Her lips kiss you with compassion and care, her hand is always around to hold to show you she's always there. You stare at the memories so lost in thought.  You look away once she sees you stare and your caught. Your not in a trap but a trance at best. You restraint yourself from telling her you love her from this test. Like a bird you go back to her like one to its nest. The crest of her love, the feeling of her care, the depth of her life begins for you even when you aren't there. She is the woman you chose to dedicate yourself to. She the only one who will understand the complexity of you. She doused your anger with a delicate smile. She embraces your head to her chest so tender and mild. Like a child she knows how to calm your fears. Like a wife she holds your tears and brings you near.  So dear to her as she wakes to your face, so subtle is a sleepy eyes to see your gaze. The craze of kindness and the emancipation of her literal pain. Her soul entwined with yours to gain. She waits at the end of the tunnel of light. She sets the time and makes a not of the date.  She is what is called a soulmate. So I have no definition of what is love. Have I ever been cared for and loved? Yes I have for 7 long years. I look back at the memories and woefully count the dried up tears.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

If I was your man

I see the misery and feel the pain. Her presence missed which drives me insane.  I gained her heart to lose it as it came near. The tears I cried were countless as the years go by with fear. The rain can't douse my sins and render me dry.   I lose myself as the lightening flashes in the sky. The thunder brings about less of a calm, without you I am but harmed. 7 years of love and I let you walk. My ego did not give us a chance to talk. The clock keeps ticking and the seconds arrive. Your name on my lips lasts till the end of time. Your touch on me can still be felt. Infront of the altar I pray and knelt for your happiness and your wonderful life. I'm glad you now remain his wife. Gone are the days where I held u close. I walk the earth like a ghost, tossed from pillar and post. Searching for someone like you who I could love the most. The hosts of heaven and the demons of hell reside in me mentally and leave me crazy. My memories of you don't seem to get hazy.  I tread on pathways I know not so well. My heart has the scars with stories to tell. Your secrets, your ambitions, your life, your past, I even know why you wear that smiling mask. Years go by and I still think of you. We stuck together like ultimate glue. The few times we hated was during our fight. We'd kiss and make up and talk through the night. You'd wake up everymorning watching me stare. I'd always have u scared, you coursed through my veins like blood through my stream.  I nourished your hopes and your dreams. Your nightmares made you scream and have you get startled. My embrace eases your heart and clamed you down. I'd always make u laugh even when you had your angry frown. The smell of your hair, your ear on my chest for the sound of my heartbeat told u I was there. You needed me and I needed you, somehow I wondered what things would be like without you. Now your the woman who wishes he was me. I'm the broken one trying to find clarity.  He isn't something that you did plan, sometimes I wish If i was still your man. Now I see your daughter a picture so clear as her mother can be. But I'm not the one she calls daddy.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

We don't talk anymore

The heart can love more than anything even of its old. Owning her heart is a move so bold. Cold is the desire to want her near, losing her is a battling fear. Not a tear drop we cry yet the glimmer of pain lingers in our eyes. The soul no longer breathes but withers and dies. She was the woman who taught you to love what a relationship is about as pure as a white dove. From above she was sent to care, she slumbers all you do lay there and stare. The glare of the moonlight from the window shines upon her skin.  The taste of her lips is your sin, for the feeling you cannot erase.  The warm embrace leaves you in a daze. She is half asleep yet throws her arm across.  At that moments you are but lost. A heavy cost you did pay, as all u did was watch her walk away. She tries so hard to make her return, your ego makes this difficult as you yearn for her near. She's the true love you always held dear. She woke up everymorning with a smile on her face with dimples so deep it could trace her face. Perpetually waiting for those moments of peace. You make certain you are at ease, you please her heart's desire and douse her self proclaim.  You Kindle her hair and wake up to your lips with her name.  Tame and calm is something you will never see. Just like the moments so real, now her sorrows is all you both can cart. As she doesn't desire your heart, she longs for your touch and make her have the fresh start. Resurrection of emotions is never the key for the few. She just can't stand to see you with someone new. She doesn't love you like the cold snow. We lost what we had coz we don't talk anymore. 

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

The cold nights

Love and compassion displayed so true. Her heart did at one point of time belong to you.  With bliss and joy you held her hand. You touched her soul and made her feel grand. Her voice was the last sound that you could hear. Her breathe on your chest, as that was her pillow, she always clung on to you for dear life.  She considered herself to be your Ms. Right, she use to light up your world with love and care. Share your happiness and hold you through your despair. Her tears never hit the cold hard ground.  Your hand to catch them was always around.  Killing me softly with her pain, the secret weapon she had to her name. Like I child she always had my arms to warm embrace. My fingertips on her face will find the smile which I can trace. I graced her soul like the rising sun. A whisper of 'I love you ' and I'd see her eyes glitter with happiness beyond compare. The beautiful brown eyes that I watched so close with care. I've seen them closed as I stare at her beauty while she's asleep. The frown on her forehead pushed away as I hold her with peace. I'd become compassionate and caring that was my fear. I felt myself slipping and turning weak. I was alright to become a man with a heart not made of stone. We'd laugh together and have eachother when the winters get cold. She broke me when she was my fix. Like a drug addict I was addicted to her kiss. Yet, she was addicted to mine. But we never admitted it to eachother at any point of time. We rather thought of walking different patches and paths. As human beings our pride was what carried apart. She did not render the possibility of having me in her plan. I was the one who by her arrogant choices never took a stand. Yes I now understand we both were to blame. Problem is each of us never could tame one another.  You were wild and young and free. I was driven by ambition and what I could make of me. Today you have your freedom, and I kept my goals. You have your family which you wanted and I have my goals. I see the problem I have u no longer to hold no matter how cold the night gets. And he just isn't me to love you till death.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

My pride, my downfall

You look down the barrel of you bottle of whiskey. Savoring every sip, her face in your mind, her eyes in your heart and her name on your lips. You wish you could once again feel the skin of her fingertips. You lose your grip on reality and embrace your pain of eternity. As you bend across life's puzzling path.  Picking up the pieces of your broken heart. She walked right in and made you happy. She walked right now and made you feel crappie.  All your anger and all your pain in a 7 year old relationship now in vain. It felt like rain throughout the years. As you tasted the bitter sweet tears. Queer is the feeling of not having her to hold, my hand across the pillow to find nothing but emptiness and cold. She isn't around with you but belongs to someone new. The only reason she's gone is you. I could have swallowed my ego and and held her hand tight. Instead I hang my head in shame as I let her walk away during that fight. I search so often trying to find her resembles in every woman I see. I know the truth that hurts like her another woman will never be. The weekends on the couch talking about how things went by. I caught every tear of hers but couldn't wipe them dry. For I was the reason she cried, my boisterous temper, and violent rage. Unleashed on the things around me. Like an animal caged. Never did I hurt her for my heart wouldn't let me. Tis now I find those actions utter stupidity.  I know i seek forgiveness everytime we speak. Tis only your mercy I tenderly seek. Your daughter is a replica of a girl whose love like a flower grew. I wish it was me spending my life with you. So I say this not foe sympathy for it isn't what I seek. I say this for the people to prevent the mistake to be avoided as I did not see.  Save a relationship and swallow your pride. For if you don't your left with a broken soul that has died.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks