My pride, my downfall

You look down the barrel of you bottle of whiskey. Savoring every sip, her face in your mind, her eyes in your heart and her name on your lips. You wish you could once again feel the skin of her fingertips. You lose your grip on reality and embrace your pain of eternity. As you bend across life's puzzling path.  Picking up the pieces of your broken heart. She walked right in and made you happy. She walked right now and made you feel crappie.  All your anger and all your pain in a 7 year old relationship now in vain. It felt like rain throughout the years. As you tasted the bitter sweet tears. Queer is the feeling of not having her to hold, my hand across the pillow to find nothing but emptiness and cold. She isn't around with you but belongs to someone new. The only reason she's gone is you. I could have swallowed my ego and and held her hand tight. Instead I hang my head in shame as I let her walk away during that fight. I search so often trying to find her resembles in every woman I see. I know the truth that hurts like her another woman will never be. The weekends on the couch talking about how things went by. I caught every tear of hers but couldn't wipe them dry. For I was the reason she cried, my boisterous temper, and violent rage. Unleashed on the things around me. Like an animal caged. Never did I hurt her for my heart wouldn't let me. Tis now I find those actions utter stupidity.  I know i seek forgiveness everytime we speak. Tis only your mercy I tenderly seek. Your daughter is a replica of a girl whose love like a flower grew. I wish it was me spending my life with you. So I say this not foe sympathy for it isn't what I seek. I say this for the people to prevent the mistake to be avoided as I did not see.  Save a relationship and swallow your pride. For if you don't your left with a broken soul that has died.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

My pride, my downfall

You look down the barrel of you bottle of whiskey. Savoring every sip, her face in your mind, her eyes in your heart and her name on your lips. You wish you could once again feel the skin of her fingertips. You lose your grip on reality and embrace your pain of eternity. As you bend across life's puzzling path.  Picking up the pieces of your broken heart. She walked right in and made you happy. She walked right now and made you feel crappie.  All your anger and all your pain in a 7 year old relationship now in vain. It felt like rain throughout the years. As you tasted the bitter sweet tears. Queer is the feeling of not having her to hold, my hand across the pillow to find nothing but emptiness and cold. She isn't around with you but belongs to someone new. The only reason she's gone is you. I could have swallowed my ego and and held her hand tight. Instead I hang my head in shame as I let her walk away during that fight. I search so often trying to find her resembles in every woman I see. I know the truth that hurts like her another woman will never be. The weekends on the couch talking about how things went by. I caught every tear of hers but couldn't wipe them dry. For I was the reason she cried, my boisterous temper, and violent rage. Unleashed on the things around me. Like an animal caged. Never did I hurt her for my heart wouldn't let me. Tis now I find those actions utter stupidity.  I know i seek forgiveness everytime we speak. Tis only your mercy I tenderly seek. Your daughter is a replica of a girl whose love like a flower grew. I wish it was me spending my life with you. So I say this not foe sympathy for it isn't what I seek. I say this for the people to prevent the mistake to be avoided as I did not see.  Save a relationship and swallow your pride. For if you don't your left with a broken soul that has died.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Impossible task

The walk of like is never easy to trend. As u lay in the moments of the mistakes playing overland over again in your head. Dead is the soul of a man with the pieces of his heart that beats on the floor. The shell of a mortal we did once know. To make certain he grows in an unimaginable way that's easy for him to survive.  Sick of all the everlasting lies, he ties his heart down, sweeping all the pieces clean. The cruelty of this world can't let him dream. How can you replace what remains and lingers, how can you change what will not want to leave. Her memories haunt and leave my soul to grieve.  I fell in love not with her body but her soul, the smell of her skin,  and the taste of her live never left me feel the cold. The moonlight our spotlight to talk about our miserable day. The counting of the stars together made us seem hopeful for better days. She was my first love and the last she will remain. She always will have my heart and her beautiful brown eyes to absorb my pain. Her perfume fill my nostrils like an intoxicating drug.  Now she loves another and those memories swept under the rug. See love is to be cherished as to the woman you have. Crave all you want once she's gone you'll never know how mad you can get and a sociopath you can turn. Where her name remains on your lips yet her heart can no longer be earned.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

My lie

Her beauty and elegance he did admire. He found that his cure for his selfish desires. Longing for the moments to be found again.  Thriving from within was his pain. Love he did seek so fervently, the moments they spent were reminiscent.  The sands of time could not keep them apart. She still resides deep within his heart. They started their lives not knowing where it may lead. All I did was let my pain make me bleed. I kneel down before the Lord in the wake of forgiveness.  My final moments I spend alone writing with love and her soul to gain. I speak volumes of the smell of her skin and how she was my mortal sin. I wished her to be my kin and cherish her throughout my life. But destiny had another plan that just wasn't right. I stayed up night and day contemplated all the mistakes I made. Yes the fault was my own, how fast now my heart has grown. I no longer crave you kisses and no longer miss your touch. Tis a lie I tell myself till my reflection in the mirror changes my thoughts as such.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Am I the man?

She sends her warm regards, even though she's far away. She thinks about you night and day. Her only wish is to hear your voice, her heart and mind at ease by choice. Her soul and body longs for you to hold her tight. Her lips to savour her love throughout your life. Her tears and pain grew to a vast extent. To have you near on what she was hell bent. Making her angry you will not dare. With folded hands for you she says a silent prayer. The scare she gets when you aren't there is a phobia that she can't overcome.  She looks again to check for reality, that's the key for her to see.  Without you she can't be free, with glee and joy she makes things right. With a kisses she saves for you everynight.  The meek temper she throws around her tantrums.  She know your touch makes her heart beat like a drum. She has been in a fight for survival she has been through alot. She knows your there by her side, that's what gave her the courage and she fought. Are you her weakness or are you her strength. Are you the one she can spend her life or just like the others using her for the night. Are you the man that stands by her when she is wrong? Only to chastise her alone. Are you the for which her heart is grown? So if you aren't the man who picks her up when she's down. You don't deserve to have her around. 

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

My sin

The design of your life may never be right. The moments of gladness soon turns dim and bleaker. You sometimes wish you have a visit from the grim reaper. The only solice can't be procured, the moments which you cherish don't really allure. I count my days as a child the stars at night. I wait not in sorrow for the one I feel will be right. See love is curse and yet a gift all the same. As you know what lingers in your brain. The soul of a man who has everything he wants remains unfulfilled like the deserts rain. The soul of a man with a broken spirit, cherishes the truth and accepts the pain. I on the contrary am neither of the above. I've found numerous times unconditional love. I also have tasted the bitter side of things. When all you need is only her to make certain in life's race you win. You then realize she was your only sin, her name your temptation. The smell of her skin your intoxicating wine. As you stared into her eyes stood still were the hands of time. Her lips your remedy for your worries. Her voice soothes your nerves in a hurry. Her head on your shoulder in a warm embrace. Tis this woman that left your true self without any trace. You seek no more as you have no one like her to find. You walk the earth as a man that's blind. Bound is you spirit to a woman you can't let go. Her heart belongs to another though. One-day you will become normal as can be. One-day my own reflection will not disgust me. One-day I  shall but find myself as I have always to seek. However, wishful thinking is for the meek.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

My broken soul

The broken soul of man trembles and is bound to perish. His heart treasures her and keeps her soul cherished. The joyous situations of just spending time. The atmosphere of love in an environment so divine. Tis a rhyme and rhythm of the soul. As two hearts wish to grow old, yet cold and desolate is the world. He never read the intentions of this particular girl. She was his lifeline and started to become his pride. How can a woman love a man who's soul has died. With no emotions, or understanding of what love to give. He couldn't keep her happy as together they both lived. He killed his feelings and this she knew. What made it so interesting was that she still wanted to be with you. He grew a mentality which she tried to change. She never gave up on him all the same. He finally gave her freedom to do as she pleased. As long as she came back to me while I was on a bended knee. With a ring in my hand and a song in my heart with her in my life would be an effervescent start every single day. She was a remedy and a cure. Her name on my lips sent my spinning in allure. Then one-day the world I knew shattered, broken as always my soul in pieces did clatter. We both parted ways and walked along. Never will I turn back to this song.  For pride and my ego shall not permit, I will one-day let go of your memories that I have locked away. I anxiously wait for that day.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Thank you for giving me life

Another year passes by as I grow old with the hands of time. Tis but a crime to know you are gone. I wonder so often would you be proud? Or just ashamed of the man I've become, I know I was the perfect son. I look up to the heavens and watch closely for a sign, just to say you miss me sometime. 9 months of agony and 24 years of mischief and pain. I know my tantrums drove you insane. I am now human understanding what's right from wrong. For my mother I so solemnly long. I can't explain to the world how precious a gift a mother can be, I still contemplate why God took you away from me. See I hear people crib and cry of how annoying a mum can be. Little do they realize the pain that lingers to cope without thee. You held my hand during my first steps. You kissed my cuts and wounds as I wept. You tapped my back as I slept. In my heart your soul I kept, I crept up beside you to hold you when I was scared. Woken you up for unnecessary stuff, you demonstrated how I could become tough. The rough patches and fights were out of love. I cannot imagine how terrible these years have been. Tis and eternal sin to lose a mother, for she can't be replaced by another.  So this birthday I wanna take this time to thank my mother, for teaching me values and giving me the respect I needed, she has me as her biggest fan. I'm now truly a man, who looks up to the heavens with pride, my mother awaits for me I'm heaven and has not died. So one-day I will celebrate my birthday with mama by heavens tree and wonderful lake. I'm saving a piece of my birthday cake.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

All she wanted

The bright light at the end of the tunnel isn't what makes things real. As you sit back contemplating when you pray and kneel. The memories flash by like pictures in your brain. The smell of her on you still remains, after all these years her fragrance is closely rendered. You miss her touch so warm and tender.  Her slender lips spread wide with a smile. Her name on yours lasts a long time. Tis but a crime to think of another.  She remains in your head and heart. You cart your sorrows you fade the truth about how strong you can be. You are but an empty shell without her near me. Suddenly you see the world of yours is changed.  The silence is all that remains.  No more phone calls to hear her speak. No more will you hear her breathe while she sleeps. Just me under the stars and a clear summer breeze. The wind and the willows keep me company. Love is but a funny something which cannot be explained. The care the commitment and the pain. All your left with is memories of her name. All you see is what could be. All you wanted was never me.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

His precious gift

The distance between hearts, is always a start to make you feel wanted. Yet, leaves you in dismay. Taunted by by life in every way, your hair turns grey with wisdom for the wise. Her soul entwined with love that never dies. I look into a woman's eyes and read through her soul. Some of them have stories which can never be foretold. She holds him close to her heart, she molds her body with his soul, she gives him the divinity of her love which is more precious than gold. Bold is the move he make to keep her forever, she cannot say never. Jousting through life as a Knight to the throne, yet he loves her till the last drop of blood and final bone. Probably he'd lose her or probably he'd have a love to find. Probably she won't be his final story that dwells and haunts his mind. Alas! Love is gift that cannot easily be found. As she remains so good to like her no one can be found. His feet off the ground as he holds her close. He follows her around like the Holy Ghost.  The most prominent gift God gave a man. Is a heart to love without any explanation or plan. Like a leader to the clan he guides her well. This is a love story no one can tell. What good is a heart that is made of stone. What good is a soul that always grows cold. Tis this not worth the love? On contrary it may not be. But I shall remain hollow and empty with thee.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Her memories

The mistakes you make teach you lessons you can't imagine. The hard truth of life is that you remain in an illusion. As the profusion of obstacles give you a chance to remember the pain. The survival of things leaves you stronger, but the scars stay longer. I've made a few mistakes that's for sure. I cannot find a remedy or cure. I look back at the past and wonder why, I'm still the social outcast kinda guy, I die every moment as I dwell in sorrow. I live long enough to see my soul go hollow.  I'm sent to the gallows of shame. Ending my life was never an option that remained. I still stick around, wondering what goes right. As I sit up crying the whole night. All the alcohol, wouldn't make me forget how much I miss the woman who owns my heart. All the memories she created, cannot be erased. I shall take it to my grave, with the same time as years go by. As I live through this lie that I have moved on from her love.  She will remain a memory in my soul, I shall carry her along till I grow old.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks