Not the man I used to be

The darkness lingers within my soul. I have no more pieces of me to hold. Cold is the shiver that runs up and down my spine. Alone I stand deserted by even the divine.  Like vines her memories creep in my mind, I seek so hard to have another like her to find. Blind is love that I didn't see my pride destroy what we had. Years have gone by yet the truth makes me seem like I'm mad. Happiness is something that is never found. Her name on my lips keeps my demons sound. They whimper and whisper to tell me of my past.  I walk the earth with the same old mask. Her embrace was my shield and now I'm naked. With all those years I didn't understand she faked it. I wish she would understand and know that I care.  I did love her till my heart ran bare,  I stare at the moonlight and count the stars. Remembering my mistakes as I witness the scars. 11 mistakes coz I loved her most, the others saw that and another did they want and chose. From coast to coast I traveled trying to find myself. Even the Holy Ghost looks at me and nods his head. I have no will as a broken man I stand..  I know that wasn't what I planned. One-day I will she her happy as can be. One-day she know I am not the man I used to be.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

I love you and I always will

The broken hearted know pain, her eyes so brown it can't hide the same. She smiles as she knows she can. Hiding what's deep in her heart, betrayal was never the plan. She can and will always survive. She says I'm okay and you know how to read those lies. The bond between two souls entwined, the chemistry so sublime. She finished her thoughts only to have him say it out loud. He couldn't argue with her and would shut his mouth. She'd seal his anger with a kiss, while tis her warm embrace he does miss. Her smile is a picture painted deep in his soul. The left side of her dimple would melt his heart so cold. She'd wake up every morning to breakfast in bed. He hold her close as on his chest would rest her head. He knew she was too good for a man like him filled with flaws. Yet, closer to him herself she did draw.  His name on her lips as she opens her eyes. He caught every tear she did cry. He isn't very proud of suffocating her heart and tearing her love from her soul away. He wishes and regrets the torment he lives with everyday. He prays for her happiness and longs for her by his side. He hides his emotions like a master in disguise.  His prize he has lost and possession of her love has slipped.  Her craves for her hand in his and desires her skin on his fingertips.  He grips on to a past for years now that she let go. This lovestory is written in the books of old. The smell of her skin lingers deep within. She was his immortal sin, yet he let's the world know of the heart he never did win. They avoid his mistakes and he makes them anew. Never again can he whisper in hear ears 'i love you'. And never again will she hold his face to tell him 'i do too and I always will'. All that remains is the shell of a man that once did love, with memories that suppress him like a drug.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

The mask we wear

Her name stays on my lips all the days of my life. The dreams roll on of her every day and night. I fight so hard to not my emotions fall astray. I think of what things would be like if she and I were together in every possible way.  Her skin still remains stuck on my fingertips. Her hair by myside as her heart is what I wished to grip. I feel like a madman without her even after all these years.  I look back at our relationship with tears. Fear drives me into disarray, for her to hold I now crave. She has always been by myside. Since we walked away my soul has died. The pride I once had when I wanted to say 'I do' slipped away the moment I left you. The choices we made were never right. We'd always hold on to eachother after every fight. Death is a friend that never comes to visit. As I sit an remain reminiscent of the past. I know loving you was the biggest task. Now we both wear these masks to hide our sorrow and melt our pain. Things between us will never be the same.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Behind brown eyes

The storm sets pace in a soul that lays waste. Like a hurricane she brought about winds of care, like thunder she'd make me feel her presence and take me unawares. She is but worthy of love so true, lucky is the man who ever owned you. Her name still lingers on your lips and spills out everytime.  The touch of her skin is reminiscent on your mind. She is your favorite song which plays on repeat. You anxiously wait when you next get to meet. Her smile spread wide like a disease, you gaze upon her and will know how contagious it can be. You smell her hair, and hold her face in your hand. You kiss her forehead although that was never planned. The stars in the sky bring you more peace then you'd know. Her knowing she is safe in your arms makes her love grow. She will never let you go nor you shall her. But your demons create fear. Your obsession and posessiveness grew wild like a burning flame, she tried to calm the fire which can't be tamed. She then found another that took your place. Tears never rolled down as this man sits heartless upon the earth's face. No one knows what it's like to be a this bad man. No one looks at the sad man behind brown eyes. He conceals well the truth, he will never seek another as his heart belongs to you. You maybe gone and will never return. Unfortunately he always looks back and for you he yearns.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks