Cold Love

A cold winter night just like any other day. She sat by the green pastures looking at up at the night sky and dark clouds so grey. Wondering if she was in his thoughts or ever passed by. Indeed, she did, every moment he did breathe. The want for her touch the taste of her lips was his need. Her beautiful brown eyes, her magnificent smile. Her dimples so deep like the abyss of sin, he missed kissing the cleft on her chin. Her face so mellow, tender and gentle. Her hair so soft as his fingers found it so easy to run through. He longed to love her again and this she knew. She waited for an apology, he anticipated her call so true. She missed his breath down her neck, everytime he whispered in her ear, "I love you". Her heart she kept caged as his brokenness developed his rage. His slit wrists and her shattered heart left their souls caged from the start. Like water his fingertips ran over her skin's trace. Each time he kissed her forehead while he held her face. Distance was never a problem as they lived across eachother separated by a door. He'd check her light which always would glow. He heard her sobs and wished he'd break through to catch her tears again. His pride was greater than his name of love. Tis a heavy feeling to loose the one you received from God above. The smell of his perfume reaked on her skin. The feeling of head on his chest was his sin. Losing her was always his fear, loving her drew him near. Death laughed when giving the task of separating them both their love was so dear. God, remarked on creating them for eachother was so clear. The devil dared himself to stay away from them out of fear. They'd pass by eachother and not say a word. Yet their souls were loud and shouted out that even deaf heard. He built up his courage and knocked on her door. With a ring in his hand and a bended knee he asked her "will you marry me?". With tears of joy in her eyes she held him tight sobbed her eyes out with a smile so radiant even the moon can't glow. She kissed him and said no, his eyes lighten up in shock, a tear rolled down his face as if time had stopped. He fell to his knees and asked why? She held him up and said "my pride". How the tides have turned upon his soul. He fell clinching his chest as his body turned cold. His soul slowly slipping away as his whole life passed by. The angel of death rode and stopped by his side. She smiled and knew she finally made him break. Revenge was sweet and he made a mistake. Trusting that she loved him still, he broke her spirit but not her will. She wanted him to feel shattered as she once did. She wanted him to feel helpless like an illiterate kid. Her name was on his lips as he did breathe his last. He is but a memory, and to her it's the past. Trust and love go hand in hand. Sometimes things don't turn out the way you did plan. Never let your pride guide you to love. Never hurt what was sent to you from God above. 

Written and composed by

Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Till death do us part

He wished upon a falling star for love he seeks and couldn't find. She walked right into his path as they say love is indeed blind. Her kindness and gentleness was hard to find with anyone soul who walked the earth. He always thought she was an angel from heaven unlike us created from labour pain and child birth. Her hair so brown the autumn leaves would shy away in disbelief. Her smile so broad and dimples so deep the ocean could be measured while it sleeps. Her touch so gentle her kisses so mild. Even to an infant child one can't compare. The smell of her skin his biggest sin, losing her gave his heart a scare. His love and care grew like a blossoming flower as every hour passes by. He tried all he could and made certain she didn't cry. He counted the days and celebrating each one as of there isn't a tomorrow. She'd rest her head on his heart as he'd bury his nose in her hair and slumber forgetting his pain and sorrow. He'd watch her sleep and wake up to a bright new day to tell her she's so beautiful. He'd fold his hand on bended knees telling the Lord how thankful he is once again. She wore his ring and bore his child a replication of her beauty in a daughter. Alas! Her soul no longer walked the earth, indeed her body returned to the dirt. He sits every morning looking outside his window wondering if she still cared. The bright morning sunshine and an unchanged pillow case with strands of her hair. He dresses his daughter and thinks of his wife who left this poor child in his care. He wishes she was around when his daughter asks ' do I have mummy's eyes or hair?'. He couldn't bear to tell his little girl you look just like her now, he hold her tight and bursts into tears and stops himself from crying out loud. Her hair as brown as the autumn leaves and eyes beautiful as the fine crystal glass. He loves her more than life itself and watched her grow up so fast. He used to tell her stories of how his wife and him did meet. He made smile ever so often cause just as her mother her dimples were that deep. She loved her father even though his hair turned whiter than snow. She spoke a eulogy near his grave and she shed not a tear. My mother awaited my father's return and they now are together without fear. I shed no tears for I know he's happy the sunshine today makes it clear. Death did keep them apart cause I was what kept my father alive. He would have been reunited a long time ago cause he loved me but not as much as he loved his wife. I am but their child and he is gone to start his marriage again. Looking at me saying these things may make you think I'm insane. The truth is that and love is a bond which one cannot explain. She showed him what love was and he replicated the same. Love is but a emotion to some felt by only a few. If you don't feel the same way about her about telling her 'I love you'.


Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Gentle

She is strong like the wind, yet as fragile as a rose.  As angry as a hungry lioness, yet her love for you grows. She longs for your embrace, she loves the feeling of your fingertips on her face. She closes her eyes each time you draw her near. The smiles so beautifully every time you literally catch her tears. She fears her heart breaking as the deer fears being a predator's prey. She waits to hear your voice eagerly every single day. Her cheeks turn pink and her dimples wider than the ocean, each time you hold her hand or kiss her forehead, she can't control her emotions. She places her head on your chest as that's her best pillow. Even her breathing heavily is as gentle as a willow. Her laughter is the best sound which one can hear. You play back all these memories when she isn't near. She goes out of breathe as you hold her from behind and whisper in her ear. The solace of words she longs to hear. Tis the sweetest sound like a flowing stream on a hot summer day. She quenches her love and yet still hungers for you in every way. The smell of her skin is more intoxicating than any spirit or drug ever found. She is your sin but love is what keeps you away from being hellbound. Your fingertips find themselves running through her hair. All you can do each morning is look into her eyes and stare. They pierce through your soul like an arrow on fire. She is your love and passionate desire. You never tire of telling her you care, promising you'll always be there. Your love for her blooms faster than a flower during spring. You love the way she sings as you gently pat her to sleep. She is the one you'd always hold onto and keep. She wears not your ring but she is your everything. Her heart belongs to you, her body and mind too. As thoughts of you form in her mind like clumps, your breath gives her goosebumps. The smell of your perfume fills her nostrils even though your just a few steps away. She swings open the door with a smile to say I knew it was you. How she does that you don't have a clue. Your presence and arms around her turns that frown to normality. A sense of comfort to tell you always stay near me. She is a woman, but completes your soul. She is the one you wake up to and with who you see yourself grow old. Special is her heart that you seal it away. As you fear someone stealing her from you someday. Tis but foolishness to think someone else can make her feel the way you do. She considers you her refuge, love and care. Indeed it's hàrd to love a woman when these types of feelings aren't there. Never tell her I love you unless you really feel it's true. Cause repairing her heart is impossible cause she has trust issues. Love her while you are still breathing, cause even if your gone. Her heart for you is still beating.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

The last kiss

He dwells in the darkness and looks out his window every night. Wishing he could hold her once again and make things right. He suffered the consequences of his actions by choosing his passion over her love. He now does what he loves but is hollow as he grows old. She wanders through day by day searching for someone new. At night he has someone to hold on to. But she wishes it was someone she once knew. Peace isn't a friend of his and love to her hasn't been kind. What he saw was her beauty and loved her till the end of time. He will not try replacing her as her fond memories he does keep. He suffers through his sleepless nights, as she cries herself to sleep. Consolation is for the pitiful and rendered love they both seek. Tis a foolish shame eachothers heart they couldn't keep. She's always on his mind as he is always on hers too. Not a day goes by that he doesn't tell himself, how much I miss you. She kisses the lips of another and keeps her eyes closed, his fingers aren't streaming on her face as he isn't the man who loves her the most. He'd push her hair behind her ears and look into her eyes. He'd whisper in her ear so close I'll love you till I die. He kept his word and she took her broken heart away. He wanders through this desolate plain with her memories making his hair grey. He holds no one else's hand as her fingers between his he can still feel. He walks by her house each day seeking glimpses of her is surreal. His heart is overjoyed and his excitement he can't withhold. His promise of their future was to watch her grow old. He doesn't have wealth, he never knew his future would become his past for eternity. He loves her more than life itself, for her he'd happily go down on one knee. He wishes the ring she now wears belonged to him. He wishes she was his kin. He wishes she knew how much he needed her close. He wishes she'd understand no one else can love her the most. He knew her like the back of his hand. Her pout, her smile the dimple that was more radiant with time. Her brown hair that matched the colour of her eyes. He watched her on her wedding night as a stranger in the crowd. A tear rolled down his heartless face he now pictures her in her beautiful  gown. He sits alone in silence and solitude thinking about her from a picture frame. On his lips lasts her name, which he recites every second of his life. He can love no other he can't make anyone else his wife. He can't ruin another woman's life. He stays away now as she requested him to do so. That's what happens when you let love slip away and go. If you own her heart and forget why you took it in the first place. Admire her beautiful face and tell yourself why you love her the most. Stick by her side as close as the holy ghost. Remember why she's yours and how it feels to hold her in your arms. How much it means to never let her go. You'd be happy to know rather than having her presence missed. Love her everyday cause you don't want to know the feeling of a last kiss.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Undying Love

She lays her head down on her pillow and cries herself to sleep. He isn't by her side to hold her close and have his love to keep. She stares put her window, and wonders if he'd ever come back? She's walked off a cliff so steep, tis affection and care she does lack. She longs for his soul, his embrace she does miss, her skin and forehead can't feel his lips, her can no longer melt from his kiss. She stares at her hand and wondered how easily it fitted in his. Her heart wanders the desolate earth as she sees every man's smile but his. She craves his touch and her finger looks bear without his ring. She plays his favourite song and along with it she does sing. Her skin bears his name tattooed while her heart has embedded his soul. Her love for him will never die even though old age does but grow. Years go by as she walks by his house wishing he was there, wishing she could see if he's happy or would he hold her tight, or at other they'd just stare. She misses the fights and arguments she'd never win, she'd shut him up with just a kiss. He'd smile right kiss her back and say about you this is something I hate. She sat down one-day and realised he never will come back he's happy without her and that's but a fact. She walks home that even and finds flowers at her door. The aroma of his cooking fills her house and her is filled with joy even more. He smiles and says did you miss me? as runs to embrace him tight. They burst into as they know that fight wouldn't last and wasn't right. His egoistic behaviour and her annoyance to prove a point did nothing but ruin their lives. Sometimes you must let go of you pride to see her shining in the light. No matter how big the issue or brutal the fight. All you need is eachother to things right. It's easy to hold on to anger and easier to hold her close and love her the most. The choice is your which one would you choose?

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Happy birthday mummy

He gazes at the night sky, counting each star that twinkles so bright, as the memories pass by and thoughts of her smile longer on his mind. He remembers the day he opened his eyes for the first time and saw your smiling face. You'd sing to him hymns and kiss his nose while you watched his sleep. You helped him walk as an infant cause his balance he couldn't keep. He wished he spent more time with you instead of with the girls he barely knew. Your presence is truly missed and festivals don't feel the same. He wasn't someone who's gonna make you proud, whenever she'd chastise him he wouldn't make a sound. He wishes heaven wasn't that far and his wings haven't grown. He wishes she didn't have to go so soon to a place he can't follow. His soul is now distant and hollow. A mother so special and unique that she can't be replaced in this sorrow. Years have gone by and it's god's plan. I need you mummy I'm in a bit of a jam. I wish I could have been a better son. I wish I could have more ice cream with you. I wish I could have been able to make you feel happy every single day. Of only wishes came true. I'd get to once again see you. Thank you for the values you bestowed on me so true. Sorry for the times I hurt you. I wish this poem could travel to heaven so you could read it in your mind aloud. I feel if you're around I'd get to see you without any doubt. If you could see me now you'd know my hair is turning slightly grey. Just like every year i wanna say happy birthday. Even though I know it's two day ahead of time as usual.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Forever and ever

She looks at each new day, with eagerness and joy. As the rain causing morning dew leaves her soul in coy, as she thinks about the boy. Who left her there, no remorse did he have nor did he care. Her love for him grew stronger with each passing day, memories of them together made special in every way. He sits alone and thinks if he really did make a mistake? Letting her go was for her own sake. He swallowed his pride, lied and said, I don't love you and can't deal with this instead. She was his soulmate, gentle and kind first love, to which he'd run back to anytime. He had but a year only to live as cancer ate through his body so vivid. She had a clue and he hadn't the heart to tell her this was true. He never loved anyone else but kept her name on his lips every time he did breathe. She wouldn't move on and he wouldn't let his heart forget. He would love her until death. His first glance at her beautiful face made him feel things he never could in so many ways. Her brown hair and piercing eyes. Was his refuge from everything that ate him up inside. One fine day when the sun basked in its glory she received a letter about his death and unfortunate story. She smiled as she sat by the window and accepted the pain. She could feel the poison consuming her soul all the same. Coincidence is not viable in this situation to gain. In heaven they shall meet again. Love can be mysterious and sometimes death can be a gift. Your body to hold and soul to lift, lovers spat, and hearts can break. Cherish your own for your name sake. Tis but easy to say I love you, but it's hard to mean it and stay true. Not every love stroy has a happy ending. Not every heart is yours to keep breaking and rules to keep bending. Careful with who owns your heart, you wouldn't want to be left alone with but your sorrows to cart.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Till death do us part

He wakes up every morning and looks out his window and sees the birds, and listens to the songs they sing. The mellow breeze shows him the morning with good tidings. He flips open his dairy and stares at a photograph he's treasured for so long abiding. He knows how to keep his heart in hiding. He touches her pillow where her head would lay. He still keeps her clothes beside him so her smell from them won't fade away. He sips on his coffee and makes an extra cup in one her lips touched every morning. He hopes his pain goes away on this new day that's dawning. His precious jewel, to his crown, she wiped away his tears and chased away his frown. Her beautiful face was his saving grace. Her in that white gown of lace upon an alter where he placed a ring on her finger. Only to tell the world 'she's mine'. He didn't know she'd leave him behind, her hugs did make himself be found. Her kiss was always pushing away his dark clouds. Her hand in his was a moment to cherish. Not cause of his skin on hers, tis her brown eyes that made his thoughts go bezerk. Kindness was her gift and anger was his curse. Her embrace was the worst, not cause any reason so folly, he'd smile happily when his rage disappeared like a withering reath of holly. He'd listen to her breathing and watch her fall asleep, even though her eyes remain closed she'd ask him what's keeping you up. He'd always close his eyes and just not reply. He'd kiss her forehead as if to say goodnight. A misconception of fate as the grim reaper drew near. That phone call was his biggest fear, when a drunk man behind the wheel took what's most precious to thee. He buried her with tears that flowed like a river so free. Angels exist or not is a question for all eternity. He awaits his judgement and longs for her face to see. One-day he tells himself as he smiles, knowing she'd be with me.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Love's Games

The whistling of the wind creeps through his ears. The rain falling down just like his unsung tears. Years of memories course through his mind. He has questions about himself, and answers he just can't find. He looks out his window, and sees the beautiful women pass by, none of them are as beautiful as her no matter how frequently they catch his eye. Her brown hair lashed over her shoulders as the sunshine made it sparkle. Her brown eyes turned brighter than the stars on the darkest night. Indeed her beauty was worth it when he watched her sleep at night. The most soothing sound was when she spoke. No matter how angry he was, she'd always calm this bloke. He'd sing her to sleep on the midnight's stroke.  The sound of the crickets, the quietest of the night. Was silent, as he'd hear her breath as he'd hold her close through the nightmares fright. She was his memory now and he wondered if he was too? Does she think about him the way I do? Is she no longer in love with the way he cared. As he turns to the his empty pillow realising she isn't there. Love is a cruel and unusual way for life to play it's game. Tis but a feeling of agony which reaps nothing but pain. Some like the thrill some suffer and successfully overcome the fear. Love gave him nothing but memories and tears.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

My love will never die

I call her everyday just hear her say "Hello". I disconnect and time fades away so slow. Typing out texts which I can never send. I delete them till the very end. I wish I could tell her how much I care I wish I could apologize for all those times I wasn't there. I wish I could tell her how much my heart melts everytime I think about our moments together. The rain is my comfort during this cold stormy weather. The girl who owns my heart and I gave her my soul. But I broke her heart when she gave me an opportunity to have it and hold. We were both young and stupid and kids we were called. This is how life does unfold, it's with her I pictured myself growing old. I never knew that stormy night would be our last kiss. I never knew we'd end up like this. She won't look back cause her pride is strong, funny how that was my theory all along. My love my love my fearless love, I will not say goodbye. The sea may rise and the sky may fall, but I go on, go on bravely into the darkest night. I tremble with fear and cling on to our memories so dear. My heart, my heart, my drowning heart with all the tears I've cried. I may weep forevermore, I will never say goodbye. I lie to myself as my reflection in the mirror tells me how my soul has died. Inside I may be broken, deep down I'm destroyed. My feelings and emotions are a wreck with which everyone has toyed. I scream her name aloud, I am but proud to say she was mine. Taken from me in due time. Her smile so radiant and her brown eyes so deep. I still feel her hold on to me as I lay my head to try and sleep. My love,  my love, my precious love I sing to you with passion and praise. No one else can ever take your place. I lay back stiff as age has my number. Dirt on my tomb for my eternal slumber. As loved ones visit with sobs and the tears they cry. When you visit know that, my love, my love, my fearless love, I will not say goodbye. The sea may rise and the sky may fall. My love for you will never die.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Her broken memories and his pained heart

She wakes up every night to a horrific dream. He holds her tight to avoid her scream. She places her head softly on her pillow. She makes no sound as she stares out her window. She turns around and lays her head of his chest, as he gently taps her head to help her regain her sleep to help with her resting. He also begins to sing, she looks up at him with her beautiful brown eyes and knows he isn't the best thing. Her heart belongs to someone who stares down the bottom of his whiskey glass. She is looking at her future and yet is still in love with her past. The mask she wears in the form of a smile. As she kisses his lips in the morning while he dresses their child. She wishes things were different and she wishes he could see. She whispers under her breath "he'll never understand me". Her past was moments of pleasure and teary moments of pain. She has nothing but memories of which she has nothing to gain. They sit down for breakfast as his eyes are fixed upon the newspapers. Strange how strangers become acquainted and sit in silence and he ignores her pain. It's insane as she sits at her desk and finishes her duties and chores at the place she works. Thinking about a man who she loves that made her heart go beserk, peace doesn't befall her for all these years. Her heart isn't treated kind for all these tears. She doesn't know if happiness will ever besiege face whenever she does smile. Till one day she sees the man that roams around in her thoughts and stole her heart for all it worth. Hurt and shattered as two broken souls meet. As they smile and greet one and another. He sees the wedding ring and realised she is a wife of another and a mother. He bends down on his knees and pats the little girl on her head. He chokes up with tears wishing he was but dead. Her face so beautiful and her brown eyes so sweet. She even had her mother's teeth, yet the dimple on her face was deeper than mine, he thought. As he hears 'how are you', to break his stargaze in which he was caught. He waited for her to comeback after all these years have gone by, he waited to hear her say 'I Love You' as he'd break down and cry. He rehearsed this moment a billion times in his head as he sighed and said 'Im great'. He smiled and repeated 'I'm good', their conversation doesn't last long just like their relationship is now in the past and gone. His soul is shattered like broken glass with his befallen mask. As it cannot hide his shame, he walks away with a smile, yet his lips dwell on her name. He unlocked his empty house with their pictures on every inch of the wall. His pride now remains his downfall, if only he said let it go, and made peace with her during that last fight. If only he hugged her and said everything will be alright. If only he could have held her hand everything then would have gone according to plan. Alas! He now sits down wondering what could have been, he wishes she was still his sweetest sin. Reminiscent and completely destroyed, a broken hearted man and a woman whose emotions were toyed. A love story doesn't always have a happily ever after over joyed. It does have a once upon a time and now  broken and destroyed.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Que sera sera

The rustling trees caught in the wind, the fresh smell of dew seeps in. I take a deep breath and render myself numb from within. The thought of her being my biggest sin. Lingers like a pricking sensation of a pin upon my skin. Her heart has no place for me anymore. Someone else makes her smile and kisses her to watch her skin glow. Her love was once meant for me alone. Everyday was journey and together we had grown. Her hand in mine was a comfort to my soul, she was mine to hold and love whenever I did please. Her voice always put my mind at ease. Relief was a pleasure I felt whenever I looked into her brown eyes. Knowing that she was only mine until the rising tide. I walk by the ocean and listen to the seagulls preach. The roaring waves and sand under my feet to reach. My blood runs warm as I look up to the heavens and wondered where did we go wrong. I stand in sorrow yet my tears have run dry, my fears have left me behind. The soul of a man broken as the world sees. I am not, I am stronger as can be. The taste of her lips lingers longer than I did perceive in me. The endless cigarettes don't end that beautiful feeling. I find myself kneeling and watching the sunset infront of my eyes. She is now but someone else's prize. Her lies was evident I could see through like a bride's veil. Her eyes gave her up, no matter how hard she tried she'd always fail. As darkness falls over this bright sunny day, my mistakes have always been grave in every way. No longer shall I reap in her memories, no longer shall I swallow my pride. No longer shall I stop my heart from trying to make my lost soul revive. Love is a cruelty bestowed upon man, you have your ideas God makes his plans. So avoid this madness of your heart at its rave. Love is a cradle slowly carrying you to your grave. Que sera sera!!

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

The Hollow Heart

The rose always gets dew during the first rays of the sun. He looks through his memories of their frolic and fun. She makes his life wonderful during his journey's run. Her eyes captivate his soul, her heart to win is his goal. She takes his life in her control. He tries to take her breath away when he has her to hold. Her smile makes him feel like his heart is made of gold. She holds his hand and his knees go weak. He finally found true love which he did seek. Her breath on his neck during a warm embrace, is indeed his best place. Her face is beautiful which he wakes up to every morning with happiness and glee. He never imagined a life without her to see. The taste of her lips was his poison, as his heart coined in. The touch of her skin was his drug, he'd always sip her beer first from any mug. She'd tug away the blanket on a cold winter night he'd hold her close under the pale moonlight. He'd kiss her forehead to shut her up during every argument or fight. Her brown eyes would sparkle like the stars in the Milky way. He has tears running down his face thinking about her everyday. Her name lingers on his lips like the taste of stale whiskey. He calls out her name under his breath and thinks does she miss me? The smell of her hair roams his nostrils, her orange flavoured perfume is still divine. Falling madly in love with her was his fault and biggest crime. He sits by in an empty church and prays for her well being. Her happiness matters most even without him there it may seem. She keeps her distance and shuns him away so keen. He edges closer to his dead soul on which his mere life leans. No other woman's fingers fit perfectly between his palms like hers once did. No other woman can make him say the three words no matter how much love, they give. Any woman can love him right from the start. Alas! This fool will never give her his heart. He carts his sorrows and bites down on his pride, his tucks away his tears and his emotions he does hide. He watches the fire crackers and wishes she was near he'd kiss her under the open sky, and both the idiots burst out into tears. If mellow is feeling that the soul comprehends then hollow is the heart when she said it was the end. He now looks at women and wonders how much happiness surrounds them for all the world to see. He knows he isn't worth it yet he watches their smiles to read through their soul. He now grows feeble and old. He cannot love with a heart that has emotions which he killed. He's still the master with all the skills. He can still admire a woman's beauty through his eyes. He can still catch every tear she cries, he can still give her goosebumps with every kiss. But he cannot love you Miss. He cannot give you his heart no matter how hard you try, he develops feelings and immediately says goodbye. He makes you feel like he's the biggest mistake you've ever made. Fear will make a man break. His fear of hurting and going through the pain again. His fear of losing 13times makes him the worst. He seeks not sympathy yet swallows their curse. He watches them settle down and have happiness and offsprings to their name. He still stays reminiscent of her pain, if she comes back again his pride shall win the battle. He walks the earth like a shepard-less cattle. He can't settle for less nor will his heart try to help him let go. Welcome to the world of a broken hearted soul.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Truly, madly, deeply

His heart beats faster with her thoughts tuning into his unconscious mind. He stares into space as if he's blind. He imagines her smile with dimples so deep, he admires her perfect white teeth. Her light brown hair falls perfectly across her face. He pushes it behind her ears to look into her eyes before his warm embrace. Her sparkling brown eyes glitter as he says : I'll always be there. He holds her close and cuddles her tight. As if she saw a ghost and is trembling with fright. He can't help but think how much he misses her more and more. He stops by her window and whistles through the pane. Hoping she'd pop her head out and smile at him again. Alas! His wish isn't fulfilled, he makes another attempt hoping results would yield. Alas! Tis the same, he tries everyday to see her again. He takes out her picture and smothers it with a kiss. Walks on by with utter bliss, he prances around and finishes his chore. He works up the nerve to knock on her door. He does so with exuberance and glee. No body seems to be home, absolutely nobody. He droops his head and as sadness fills his heart he walks on by. With a glitter of tears and fill up his eyes. He thinks to himself another day and may be today is the day for me. He lays in his bed staring at the ceiling on which he drew her amongst the trees. He thinks about the taste of her skin as he kissed her forehead. The feeling of her hand in his as they strolled every evening. He envisions her head upon his chest and all he can hear is her heartbeat at best. No matter if it was summer or the winter's cold, between his legs she'd place her small feet as a hold. She'd fall asleep and pout as she dreams. He'd spend the whole night staring at her with love and care. He wishes she was there. He wakes in the morning to find the birds chirping and the sunlight beaming through the window pane. He wonders if he'd see her today and he'd finally be like a lion with his new mane. He finds his pills upon the desk, and her photograph in the frame. He gazes at his reflection on the window to see his white robes, with a straightjacket as a coat. The haunting memories now fade by, as he breaks down and cries. He pictures her white lace robes in her casket. He lost his mind, as she descended into to ground with flowers in a basket. He cursed the man who ran her down with his drunkenness in his car. All you have left is a broken man, an angry heart and never ending scar. He thinks she's around, and makes him feel like she still holds him close. He believes that she would one day, sit beside him and he'd feed her butter and toast. He's a little delusional and sane he can never be. In his head they still live together happily. They say falling head over heels always makes you glad. Trying loving someone to such an extent that losing them makes you go deranged, that's when you'll never be the same.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

The hardest truth

I once asked, how do you describe love? Is it her beauty that makes you feel as if she's an angel sent from above. Is it her brown eyes that pierce's through your soul? Or is it the feeling of her soft skin when, tis her hand you hold. People often tell me she's all but in the past, why is it her name remains on your lips, as you wear a fake smile, upon that mask. She indeed is a distant memory and the best part of my past. Whenever I think of her the smile on my face, isn't from a mask. Her name on my lips is all that remains as does the winter mist. I still remember what it tasted like with her last kiss. She always gave me peace by just holding me close. Her dimples so deep and her smile I loved the most. So what is love if it isn't these feelings that describes how special you feel. Waking up to her every morning, and thanking God every night, while I pray and kneel. Love is eternal and captures everything pleasant within your soul, you feel her warmth and love even though she is no longer yours to hold. The mistakes you make along the way trying to find her, in someone new. Leaves aside heart break and pain for quite a few. Love is a gift that isn't wrapped up all colourful and sweet. Love is a feeling when you look into her eyes for the first time when you meet. Love is a memory which you try so hard to forget with smile as you do so for everyone you greet. Peace is never found so easily and is never sweet. The truth is simple and we choose to refuse acceptance of the same. Love is just a reminder that we are but pawns, in this game. Her name shall remain on my lips, the feeling of her hair on my fingertips. Her memories shall always give me a scare. My love for her will always be with care. It's just that I can no longer be there especially when she calls me, I can't run in a heartbeat to rescue her and be at her aid. Someone else is there to make her feel great. Someone else to hold her tight during a long walk after a date. Someone else to give her what I couldn't at best. Upon someone else's chest for her head to rest. Someone else's hand in hers while she journeys down this road. Someone else to show her the world he now holds. That is love, mine was but an infatuation which she saw through and chose the other. As we part ways love will help me find another. So what is love describe it for me in anyway? I wish I had an answer and knew what comes next? Love cannot be described but faced through the hardest test.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

My Greatest Fear

A day of love as all proclaim, as your heart begins to bear her name. You show the world how deeply you care. Losing her gives you a scare. Why do we wait for this every year? We forget about the heart break and tears. Blinded and yet nothing is clear. Her beauty draws you near, sheer delight when you hold her hand, she crossing you path wasn't in your plan. Her eyes so special as they twinkle under the night sky. Her perfume let's you know she's close by. You hold her from behind and whisper in her ear, those are the words she longed to hear. She trembles as you hold her close, she feels loved as a sinner does when he/she receives the Holy Ghost. Her fingertips make you hair stand, the taste of her lips adds flavour to your taste buds so bland. Canned are her responses as is yours, being speechless is better than saying things unplanned. You delight yourself in each other's gaze, all you have left is her beauty to praise. You don't talk much and stay quiet and still knowing her loving you back is the ultimate thrill. You then awake screaming to end with a smile, tis not a dream, was a memory that haunts you all the while. You know that you love her even after all these years, you forget about the pain and tears. Your fears grow stronger as you grip yourself tight. Swaying back and forth all through the night. Watching the sun rise upon your sleep deprived face. Which you wash with water and that's all you now taste. She's gone forever but her name dwells fervently clear upon your lips. You still feel your head upon her fingertips. You wonder if she still thinks about you even for a little while. If you run through mind, as her memories haunt yours. The pleasure and pain she caused, the broken promises she never tried to keep. The apologies after time alone she didn't sleep. She never redeemed herself for all her wrong doing, as you tried so hard to seek forgiveness, as to provide it she isn't kind. Love is cruel, inhuman, and leaves you blind. Experience it and you'll be able to read the signs in every possible way. So to all the couples who are gonna go through shit, happy valentine's day.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

His fairy-tale

He sits at night and gazes at the sky. He counts the stars every night near and far. He wishes for her happiness upon all the falling stars that he sees. He remembers her so well and prays for her on bended knees. He thought he had the key to life, with happiness and success to follow. He only has the mistakes he made with lessons that leave him hollow. Like a swallow he moves from place to place, searching for a similar face, the feeling of staring into the same kind of brown eyes just like hers. He kisses a thousand women yet can't draw that emotion near. He wakes every morning and watches the people pass by from end to start. He admires every woman's beauty and knows none can steal his heart.  He chalks down his thoughts on paper which rips with ease. Yet his soul stays unstable as he can't find peace to appease. He still places a plate at his table when he dines for supper. He still sips his coffee till the end as she always did for him. He knew she was his sin that lingers under his skin. Her heart right now he can never win, he watches from afar as he nurtures her child, husband and kin. Love is a cruel intention which breaks a man's pride in two. He always said it would be me and you. He walks by the park, and looks up at the sunshine, wondering if he was running in her mind. His lips bear her name with every passing day, he wakes up to reality of what he thought was a nightmare. He stands in solitude and silence fills his void. He thinks about how he let his life get played with and toyed. He always spent his festivals drowning in his sorrow. He knows his life isn't at an end. He knows tis but the beginning of his life on a bend. He closes his eyes and imagines her  fingertips upon his face. Love is a gift for you must freely embrace. It may leave you broken but you can pick yourself up. Never experiencing it is a slup, so give your heart to someone and forgive them if it breaks. You'd not only get the broken pieces but beautiful memories which you and her did make. Love is never a fairy tale it's a story which is real for your sake. It's not what God writes, it is what you make.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Love fool

As a child we watch the world, and time pass by. You watch the leaves and seasons change, you know well the cuts and bruises of you playing. You feel like a a lion roaming free. You then mix yourself in another's company. You learn things good and hold on to the bad. Watching you grow up makes your parents sad and sometimes, also glad. You fall in love for the first time and know what heart break is all about. For some it ends after years, as sometimes about her, you can never have a doubt. She walks by with her hair as beautiful and brown as an autumn leaf. Her skin so soft that you wouldn't believe. Her touch so gentle especially when she held your hand. She always made this boy feel like a man, his perfume entwined in her nostrils and her essence on his lips. As her face was always sheltered by his fingertips. Her face so tiny that it would fit in the palm of his hand. She'd close her eyes and all you could see was her pout and smile. Indeed she was a child and as was he. Knowing now it was never meant to be, her love made a boy grow into a real man. He loved her dearly and till today he knows that he still is. She stole his heart as a teenager and spent 8 years with memories of glee. She gave herself to his will mind, soul, and body. Things may be different and times may have changed growing up in love with her was all he ever wished for till this very day. Even though all they gave eachother for valentine's day, was a measly hug and kiss. Tis her presence everyday he does miss. Squabbles and arguments was a routine and they had their fair share. It always ended with a hug to say he or she always cared. One-day the fight got so intense she walked out and never turned back again. The alcohol, drugs, and friends is what she chose while he awaits her return, although he knows it's a lie. As she wishes for him to stay away after all these years gone by. He keeps his distance and thinks of the memories he cherishes till the day that he shall die. He knows she has no more tears left to cry. Yet, he ponders if he'd just let that fight go and would've put his pride aside. She'd still be with him hand in hand and wear his ring to become his bride. He now stays away from relationships as 11 left him bitter and cruel. He gave his heart away, every time and always to someone new. Like a stubborn mule, the scars make no difference as its her, he seeks in every woman that he may find. Love leaves you merciless and blind. Like a useless instrument or tool he sits with a smile on his face thinking of the memories he can't and never will erase. Love is blind and yes tis but cruel. Sometimes all you desire to remain as is a lovefool.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks