Love's Games

The whistling of the wind creeps through his ears. The rain falling down just like his unsung tears. Years of memories course through his mind. He has questions about himself, and answers he just can't find. He looks out his window, and sees the beautiful women pass by, none of them are as beautiful as her no matter how frequently they catch his eye. Her brown hair lashed over her shoulders as the sunshine made it sparkle. Her brown eyes turned brighter than the stars on the darkest night. Indeed her beauty was worth it when he watched her sleep at night. The most soothing sound was when she spoke. No matter how angry he was, she'd always calm this bloke. He'd sing her to sleep on the midnight's stroke.  The sound of the crickets, the quietest of the night. Was silent, as he'd hear her breath as he'd hold her close through the nightmares fright. She was his memory now and he wondered if he was too? Does she think about him the way I do? Is she no longer in love with the way he cared. As he turns to the his empty pillow realising she isn't there. Love is a cruel and unusual way for life to play it's game. Tis but a feeling of agony which reaps nothing but pain. Some like the thrill some suffer and successfully overcome the fear. Love gave him nothing but memories and tears.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

My love will never die

I call her everyday just hear her say "Hello". I disconnect and time fades away so slow. Typing out texts which I can never send. I delete them till the very end. I wish I could tell her how much I care I wish I could apologize for all those times I wasn't there. I wish I could tell her how much my heart melts everytime I think about our moments together. The rain is my comfort during this cold stormy weather. The girl who owns my heart and I gave her my soul. But I broke her heart when she gave me an opportunity to have it and hold. We were both young and stupid and kids we were called. This is how life does unfold, it's with her I pictured myself growing old. I never knew that stormy night would be our last kiss. I never knew we'd end up like this. She won't look back cause her pride is strong, funny how that was my theory all along. My love my love my fearless love, I will not say goodbye. The sea may rise and the sky may fall, but I go on, go on bravely into the darkest night. I tremble with fear and cling on to our memories so dear. My heart, my heart, my drowning heart with all the tears I've cried. I may weep forevermore, I will never say goodbye. I lie to myself as my reflection in the mirror tells me how my soul has died. Inside I may be broken, deep down I'm destroyed. My feelings and emotions are a wreck with which everyone has toyed. I scream her name aloud, I am but proud to say she was mine. Taken from me in due time. Her smile so radiant and her brown eyes so deep. I still feel her hold on to me as I lay my head to try and sleep. My love,  my love, my precious love I sing to you with passion and praise. No one else can ever take your place. I lay back stiff as age has my number. Dirt on my tomb for my eternal slumber. As loved ones visit with sobs and the tears they cry. When you visit know that, my love, my love, my fearless love, I will not say goodbye. The sea may rise and the sky may fall. My love for you will never die.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Her broken memories and his pained heart

She wakes up every night to a horrific dream. He holds her tight to avoid her scream. She places her head softly on her pillow. She makes no sound as she stares out her window. She turns around and lays her head of his chest, as he gently taps her head to help her regain her sleep to help with her resting. He also begins to sing, she looks up at him with her beautiful brown eyes and knows he isn't the best thing. Her heart belongs to someone who stares down the bottom of his whiskey glass. She is looking at her future and yet is still in love with her past. The mask she wears in the form of a smile. As she kisses his lips in the morning while he dresses their child. She wishes things were different and she wishes he could see. She whispers under her breath "he'll never understand me". Her past was moments of pleasure and teary moments of pain. She has nothing but memories of which she has nothing to gain. They sit down for breakfast as his eyes are fixed upon the newspapers. Strange how strangers become acquainted and sit in silence and he ignores her pain. It's insane as she sits at her desk and finishes her duties and chores at the place she works. Thinking about a man who she loves that made her heart go beserk, peace doesn't befall her for all these years. Her heart isn't treated kind for all these tears. She doesn't know if happiness will ever besiege face whenever she does smile. Till one day she sees the man that roams around in her thoughts and stole her heart for all it worth. Hurt and shattered as two broken souls meet. As they smile and greet one and another. He sees the wedding ring and realised she is a wife of another and a mother. He bends down on his knees and pats the little girl on her head. He chokes up with tears wishing he was but dead. Her face so beautiful and her brown eyes so sweet. She even had her mother's teeth, yet the dimple on her face was deeper than mine, he thought. As he hears 'how are you', to break his stargaze in which he was caught. He waited for her to comeback after all these years have gone by, he waited to hear her say 'I Love You' as he'd break down and cry. He rehearsed this moment a billion times in his head as he sighed and said 'Im great'. He smiled and repeated 'I'm good', their conversation doesn't last long just like their relationship is now in the past and gone. His soul is shattered like broken glass with his befallen mask. As it cannot hide his shame, he walks away with a smile, yet his lips dwell on her name. He unlocked his empty house with their pictures on every inch of the wall. His pride now remains his downfall, if only he said let it go, and made peace with her during that last fight. If only he hugged her and said everything will be alright. If only he could have held her hand everything then would have gone according to plan. Alas! He now sits down wondering what could have been, he wishes she was still his sweetest sin. Reminiscent and completely destroyed, a broken hearted man and a woman whose emotions were toyed. A love story doesn't always have a happily ever after over joyed. It does have a once upon a time and now  broken and destroyed.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Que sera sera

The rustling trees caught in the wind, the fresh smell of dew seeps in. I take a deep breath and render myself numb from within. The thought of her being my biggest sin. Lingers like a pricking sensation of a pin upon my skin. Her heart has no place for me anymore. Someone else makes her smile and kisses her to watch her skin glow. Her love was once meant for me alone. Everyday was journey and together we had grown. Her hand in mine was a comfort to my soul, she was mine to hold and love whenever I did please. Her voice always put my mind at ease. Relief was a pleasure I felt whenever I looked into her brown eyes. Knowing that she was only mine until the rising tide. I walk by the ocean and listen to the seagulls preach. The roaring waves and sand under my feet to reach. My blood runs warm as I look up to the heavens and wondered where did we go wrong. I stand in sorrow yet my tears have run dry, my fears have left me behind. The soul of a man broken as the world sees. I am not, I am stronger as can be. The taste of her lips lingers longer than I did perceive in me. The endless cigarettes don't end that beautiful feeling. I find myself kneeling and watching the sunset infront of my eyes. She is now but someone else's prize. Her lies was evident I could see through like a bride's veil. Her eyes gave her up, no matter how hard she tried she'd always fail. As darkness falls over this bright sunny day, my mistakes have always been grave in every way. No longer shall I reap in her memories, no longer shall I swallow my pride. No longer shall I stop my heart from trying to make my lost soul revive. Love is a cruelty bestowed upon man, you have your ideas God makes his plans. So avoid this madness of your heart at its rave. Love is a cradle slowly carrying you to your grave. Que sera sera!!

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

The Hollow Heart

The rose always gets dew during the first rays of the sun. He looks through his memories of their frolic and fun. She makes his life wonderful during his journey's run. Her eyes captivate his soul, her heart to win is his goal. She takes his life in her control. He tries to take her breath away when he has her to hold. Her smile makes him feel like his heart is made of gold. She holds his hand and his knees go weak. He finally found true love which he did seek. Her breath on his neck during a warm embrace, is indeed his best place. Her face is beautiful which he wakes up to every morning with happiness and glee. He never imagined a life without her to see. The taste of her lips was his poison, as his heart coined in. The touch of her skin was his drug, he'd always sip her beer first from any mug. She'd tug away the blanket on a cold winter night he'd hold her close under the pale moonlight. He'd kiss her forehead to shut her up during every argument or fight. Her brown eyes would sparkle like the stars in the Milky way. He has tears running down his face thinking about her everyday. Her name lingers on his lips like the taste of stale whiskey. He calls out her name under his breath and thinks does she miss me? The smell of her hair roams his nostrils, her orange flavoured perfume is still divine. Falling madly in love with her was his fault and biggest crime. He sits by in an empty church and prays for her well being. Her happiness matters most even without him there it may seem. She keeps her distance and shuns him away so keen. He edges closer to his dead soul on which his mere life leans. No other woman's fingers fit perfectly between his palms like hers once did. No other woman can make him say the three words no matter how much love, they give. Any woman can love him right from the start. Alas! This fool will never give her his heart. He carts his sorrows and bites down on his pride, his tucks away his tears and his emotions he does hide. He watches the fire crackers and wishes she was near he'd kiss her under the open sky, and both the idiots burst out into tears. If mellow is feeling that the soul comprehends then hollow is the heart when she said it was the end. He now looks at women and wonders how much happiness surrounds them for all the world to see. He knows he isn't worth it yet he watches their smiles to read through their soul. He now grows feeble and old. He cannot love with a heart that has emotions which he killed. He's still the master with all the skills. He can still admire a woman's beauty through his eyes. He can still catch every tear she cries, he can still give her goosebumps with every kiss. But he cannot love you Miss. He cannot give you his heart no matter how hard you try, he develops feelings and immediately says goodbye. He makes you feel like he's the biggest mistake you've ever made. Fear will make a man break. His fear of hurting and going through the pain again. His fear of losing 13times makes him the worst. He seeks not sympathy yet swallows their curse. He watches them settle down and have happiness and offsprings to their name. He still stays reminiscent of her pain, if she comes back again his pride shall win the battle. He walks the earth like a shepard-less cattle. He can't settle for less nor will his heart try to help him let go. Welcome to the world of a broken hearted soul.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

Truly, madly, deeply

His heart beats faster with her thoughts tuning into his unconscious mind. He stares into space as if he's blind. He imagines her smile with dimples so deep, he admires her perfect white teeth. Her light brown hair falls perfectly across her face. He pushes it behind her ears to look into her eyes before his warm embrace. Her sparkling brown eyes glitter as he says : I'll always be there. He holds her close and cuddles her tight. As if she saw a ghost and is trembling with fright. He can't help but think how much he misses her more and more. He stops by her window and whistles through the pane. Hoping she'd pop her head out and smile at him again. Alas! His wish isn't fulfilled, he makes another attempt hoping results would yield. Alas! Tis the same, he tries everyday to see her again. He takes out her picture and smothers it with a kiss. Walks on by with utter bliss, he prances around and finishes his chore. He works up the nerve to knock on her door. He does so with exuberance and glee. No body seems to be home, absolutely nobody. He droops his head and as sadness fills his heart he walks on by. With a glitter of tears and fill up his eyes. He thinks to himself another day and may be today is the day for me. He lays in his bed staring at the ceiling on which he drew her amongst the trees. He thinks about the taste of her skin as he kissed her forehead. The feeling of her hand in his as they strolled every evening. He envisions her head upon his chest and all he can hear is her heartbeat at best. No matter if it was summer or the winter's cold, between his legs she'd place her small feet as a hold. She'd fall asleep and pout as she dreams. He'd spend the whole night staring at her with love and care. He wishes she was there. He wakes in the morning to find the birds chirping and the sunlight beaming through the window pane. He wonders if he'd see her today and he'd finally be like a lion with his new mane. He finds his pills upon the desk, and her photograph in the frame. He gazes at his reflection on the window to see his white robes, with a straightjacket as a coat. The haunting memories now fade by, as he breaks down and cries. He pictures her white lace robes in her casket. He lost his mind, as she descended into to ground with flowers in a basket. He cursed the man who ran her down with his drunkenness in his car. All you have left is a broken man, an angry heart and never ending scar. He thinks she's around, and makes him feel like she still holds him close. He believes that she would one day, sit beside him and he'd feed her butter and toast. He's a little delusional and sane he can never be. In his head they still live together happily. They say falling head over heels always makes you glad. Trying loving someone to such an extent that losing them makes you go deranged, that's when you'll never be the same.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks

The hardest truth

I once asked, how do you describe love? Is it her beauty that makes you feel as if she's an angel sent from above. Is it her brown eyes that pierce's through your soul? Or is it the feeling of her soft skin when, tis her hand you hold. People often tell me she's all but in the past, why is it her name remains on your lips, as you wear a fake smile, upon that mask. She indeed is a distant memory and the best part of my past. Whenever I think of her the smile on my face, isn't from a mask. Her name on my lips is all that remains as does the winter mist. I still remember what it tasted like with her last kiss. She always gave me peace by just holding me close. Her dimples so deep and her smile I loved the most. So what is love if it isn't these feelings that describes how special you feel. Waking up to her every morning, and thanking God every night, while I pray and kneel. Love is eternal and captures everything pleasant within your soul, you feel her warmth and love even though she is no longer yours to hold. The mistakes you make along the way trying to find her, in someone new. Leaves aside heart break and pain for quite a few. Love is a gift that isn't wrapped up all colourful and sweet. Love is a feeling when you look into her eyes for the first time when you meet. Love is a memory which you try so hard to forget with smile as you do so for everyone you greet. Peace is never found so easily and is never sweet. The truth is simple and we choose to refuse acceptance of the same. Love is just a reminder that we are but pawns, in this game. Her name shall remain on my lips, the feeling of her hair on my fingertips. Her memories shall always give me a scare. My love for her will always be with care. It's just that I can no longer be there especially when she calls me, I can't run in a heartbeat to rescue her and be at her aid. Someone else is there to make her feel great. Someone else to hold her tight during a long walk after a date. Someone else to give her what I couldn't at best. Upon someone else's chest for her head to rest. Someone else's hand in hers while she journeys down this road. Someone else to show her the world he now holds. That is love, mine was but an infatuation which she saw through and chose the other. As we part ways love will help me find another. So what is love describe it for me in anyway? I wish I had an answer and knew what comes next? Love cannot be described but faced through the hardest test.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks