Me, myself and I

One-day fine day I will no longer cry. My tears will finally run dry, I will be cold yet will want no hand to hold. My soul may die as it enters the black hole. I will ride solo till I grow weak. One-day tis not love that I will seek. I will slumber with my demons that keeps my writhing in pain.  One-day my reflection in the mirror will not let me see shame. One-day on the curtain call, I shall be no more the shadow of the man I once was. My strength shall be the cause, of me being sane. Saved in the nick of time from above , I shall be sick of the same old love. Her voice shall no longer ring in my head, I shall no longer walk the earth with a soul that is dead. No longer will I feel her fingers on mine. The taste of her lips will be my crime. The smell of her skin shall be my sin. I will not lie she is but missed by my soul. For I have her heart no more to hold. Hence, my love is what makes me die.  I will be back one-day to just me, myself and I.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks 

I've become a memory

Sometimes you become the memories of her past. You wear on this smiling mask to let the world see how wonderful it can be. Yet you cry when you see her texts. With tears in your eyes you reply to the rest. You long for her fingers between yours to keep the feeling fresh. You remember her beautiful brown eyes that let's you fall in love with her every single time. Letting her go remains fresh in your mind, that painful feeling in your chest. The moments of joy like the dead now rest. You wish she knew how much you cared, how much you needed her and you were always there. She thought you weren't in love, but little did she know that's all God created you to do. Never to be loved in return, never for her heart for you to be earned. I learned the hard way once again in that she never wanted to be mine. You wake with the sunrise only to find. She slips away like the hands of time. She is not your future as you once dreamed. She cannot love you as it seemed.  So never make promises you can never keep, never tell someone you love them when you know you don't. It is but a temporary token. I will one-day feel no more pain for you cannot break what is already broken.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks 

The loving soul

The heart is a very powerful emotions, the love that grows is a potion anf fuel for your soul. The memories you cherish with her will last till you grow old. As you hold her close in a warm embrace. Her love for you isn't created to chase. Her tears are meant to be caught, her care and love is your food for thought.  Caught up in this Web of emotions. Life then moves in slow motion. The closure she has is your eminent drug. Intoxicated you feel as you drown deeper in love. You are but broken as she renders no more comfort to to your heart. Your journey is now world's apart, carted with challenges and misconstrued souls.  You planned on loving her forever as your ultimate goal. No longer does she remain one the end of a call. No longer doesn't she text at all, you were only but a passing phase. Your no longer mentally retarded with her love as a craze. This maze called life is very distant and it may part. Even though you loved her and miss her from the bottom of your heart. This phase isn't as clear as it seems. Her being there forever was just a dream. You did all you could to to make her yours. Your obsession made her leave and that was the cause. Pause everyday as my reflection in the mirror is what I stare at with disgust.  It was truly love and not lust. But I must be completed as my transformation awaits. I have died a million times to make me great. I am but a wonder and she lives within me. The end of the tunnel was not as clear as can be. Her name was the breath on my lips. The pores of her skin lingers on my fingertips.  Her breath on my neck as I hugged her for our last goodbye.  Was the day my soul eternally died. I cannot cry the tears which no longer exist. Her love for me now is like my soul it doesn't exist.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks 

Pieces of me

The mist that follows this cold winter morning. The sun rises but my soul isn't dawning. Broken and destroyed my heart cannot jump for joy.  I toy with my emotions,  I embrace my pain, her beauty is my my antidote to these wounds to self sustain. I gain from the knowledge of the past. A shattered hope, and fake smile of a mask. The task is very the burdens surreal, I know the devil is making me a happiness deal. I squeal with my sorrows and the brokeness and pain. Tis what leaves me deranged, cluthing my fear, holding back my tears. All but in vain, the mode of life is effectively growing, this love for her is slowly growing. Her memories linger in my mind so fresh. This wasn't anything but a test. She was the only person that mattered, now the pieces of my broken heart are scattered.  So I pick them up with utmost grief,  and I hold them together with sheer belief.  Love has always been my curse, coz when she leaves me every time I only have my broken heart to nurse.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks 

The essence of the past

She broke me from the inside as these tears I did not cry. Left me on the floor to die, a soul already broken, a heart already scared and bruised.  I feel so embarrassed as I'm left bemused.  how could I let my walls be broken, how could I let my shell be removed. I am lost without a clue. The few I trusted have now parted ways. The moments so cherishable that it made my day. I am but reminded of my past, she was worth me not wearing a mask. Yes she was a troublesome task to bear. Years went by with me always scared of the things we would do. The psychotic moments of brutality but the embrace and I love you was always true. Her head on my chest was a refuge to my soul. Her hand was always there for me to hold. The intoxicated soul of waiting for her near me. I indeed loved her so dearly. Her lips on mine were never a questionable why, yes kiss would take me high. She was my drug to which I had to say goodbye.  I did lie about the fact that said I didn't love you or care. She always stood by me making sure she was there. I stared at her beauty as she slept through the night. I always tried to make things right after every fight.  I held your fingers in between mine. I was a criminal and she was my crime. The warmth of her body pierces through my soul. Your memories I will cherish till I am old.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks 

The broken spirit

The sun will rise dawning on a new day. My soul embarks on a journey I once did dismay.  The world was grey, with a lifetime of my past. It haunts me with more reasons for me to ask. I am not worthy, I mellow and gloom in worries that start. Distance keeps our world's apart, a poet I am with a broken heart you cannot mend.  A wondering soul with memories that cannot to happiness lend a moment of peace. It leaves me shattered on my knees. I pick up the pieces as I must, yes another one bites the dust. I am an experienced animal on this journey called life. My possessiveness, anger, obsessiveness eats me alive. I drive into fear, as my death comes near to tease my soul. It too leaves like the memories of old. Cold and quiet on a winter night, nothing but the stars and frost bite infront of me. My solitude as my company, this life has given me nothing but pain. I have tried to pick myself up over and over again. I creep upto my sorrows and embrace them tight. My reflection in the mirror gives me the will to fight. So ashes to ashes and dust to dust. I will return to where I once came from as I must. I would like to be remembered as not a man of free. I want to be reminded of my moments of glee.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks 

The broken man

The happiness of listening my favorite song, is always a moment that can't go wrong. I am but strong through the sorrows and pain. I am but a man broken in every way.  I require no sympathy, as I once dwelled in my grief. I survive the shark's called life like the great Barrier reef. I teased with death, and I pleasurable I find life. I contemplated my heart to be ripped with a double edged knife. I stifle as life tries so hard to have be be the vulture kill. I'm already a sociopath on a happy pill. I fight these demons all through the night with years of pain and sorrow I once did carry. They sit quiet in my till the sun goes down to make things scary. Yes I am insane, I'm not filled with pain any more with a mask. How can you already break some broken glass. My life is now filled with joy, I have reconciled myself and no longer that vengeful boy. I have toyed with the devil and waltzed with the angels above. My reflection in the mirror is the one I love.

Written and composed by
Timothy Justin Rudolph Rodricks